Archives for November 2014

 

Sit down and shut up you little twerps, it’s the final quarter of the season and it is time for midterms. The Buckeyes kind of blew out/kind of almost lost to the Goofs of Minnesota Saturday and there are only two tests left in the 2014 season. This isn’t about them however, this week is all about how much you have been paying attention to this crazy college football year.

Did you do your homework? Did you take notes? Find the harsh reality now…

 

Here is your 2014 final quarter midterm; the answer key is located at the bottom (no peeking):

 

1. What does the J.T. stand for in J.T. Barrett?

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2. Where is the strongest media bias located in the country?

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3. If Team A beats Team B and both have the same record while playing near identical schedules, who should be ranked higher?

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4. If a three loss team falls 59-0 in the forest, should they still be ranked?

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5. Who should Ohio State start at quarterback in 2015?

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6. Which team has more rushing yards than Wake Forest this season?

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7. Northwestern is a team that plays in the state of Illinois, please define:

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8. Please explain the San Jose Punt Phenomenon of 11/15/2014:

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9. How many rib bones does Ezekiel Elliott show on a given Saturday?

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10. Would you rather fight 100 duck sized Joey Bosa’s or one Joey Bosa sized duck?

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Your Grade: ___________________________

 

O.k. you little cheats, pencils down! Grade yourself on the honors system.

 

Here is the answer key:

 

1. What does the J.T. stand for in J.T. Barrett?

John Heisman

2. Where is the strongest media bias located in the country?

Eugene, Oregon. Somehow the Ducks slip by the media sensibility goalie every year and are considered the darlings of College Football only to be a bigger letdown than Dumb and Dumber To (I haven’t seen it but I’m an ASSumer). They already laid one egg this year against a decent Zona team but I bet they are good for one more. They moved in front of Florida State last week in the playoff poll for some reason, who knows why. Enough people are sick of Winston and FSU that nobody seems to have a problem with it.

If they finally break through this year and win a playoff game then I will eat some crow with a side of duck. The SEC certainly gets a lot more credit than they deserve and many losses are forgiven somehow, but they win the big one a lot.

I’m still not sure what Oregon has done to earn all of this street cred… I guess they beat Wisconsin a few years ago?

3. If Team A beats Team B and both have the same record while playing near identical schedules, who should be ranked higher?

Team B. I don’t come up with the material, I just give out the tests…

I still think the committee will come to their senses after a few weeks and move Baylor ahead of TCU but don’t be surprised to see chaos head down south before the season’s over.

4. If a three loss team falls 59-0 in the forest, should they still be ranked?

Yes. Forget the murder at the hands of Alabama, or the two other losses that weren’t all that close- The Texas A&M Aggies creeped into the top 25 last week.

Can you imagine a Big Ten team being ranked with a 7-3 record with wins over:

South Carolina, Lamar, Rice, SMU, Arkansas, Louisiana-Monroe and Auburn?

Luckily the Aggies fell out after a loss to Mizzou on Saturday- I’m assuming this, too lazy to double check the polls because… I’m over it.

5. Who should Ohio State start at quarterback in 2015?

If you answered this question with J.T. Barrett or Braxton Miller then you get zero points. The correct answer is “Who the hell cares?” This currently pointless debate will have plenty of time to be beaten to death from mid-January to August next year. Enjoy this current run Buckeye fans.

6. Which team player has more rushing yards than Wake Forest this season in one game?

Melvin Gordon.

Gordon had 408 yards in one game against Nebraska. Wake Forest has 341 yards rushing on the season…

Farooq can put it like only he can:

 

7. Northwestern is a team that plays in the state of Illinois, please define:

Bipolar: A team that manages to beat Wisconsin and Penn State soundly on the road, then wins in overtime against a once top 5 Notre Dame… Also lost to Cal, Northern Illinois, Minnesota, Nebraska, Michigan and Iowa (48-7)…

What the hell?

 

8. Please explain the San Jose Punt Phenomenon of 11/15/2014:

A truly spectacular case in which a team loses to Hawaii and scores zero points:

WITHOUT PUNTING ONCE!!!!! WHAT I DON’T EVEN!!!!!

That makes less sense then those tiny water bottles that John Beilein likes to drink.

 You got to respect a man so cautious he won’t even risk over hydration.

9. How many rib bones does Ezekiel Elliott show on a given Saturday?

Four. And I bet he’s got at least half a dozen hidden under there- He leaves that part to the imagination, which makes him even more a catch.

10. Would you rather fight 100 duck sized Joey Bosa’s or one Joey Bosa sized duck?

100 Duck sized Joey Bosa’s. You’re dead either way but just imagine trying to fight off that many pony tailed dreamboats. That’s a beautiful way for an Ohio State fan to reach his/her demise.

 

 

Bonus: Annunciation is everything in Broadway:

 

 

Double Bonus: The greatest pump up song of any kids childhood:

 

 

 

In a game that will likely decide the Big Ten West champion, Wisconsin took Nebraska behind the woodshed on the back of a record-setting day of Melvin Gordon. Ohio State battled the elements and themselves to beat Minnesota, leaving the Buckeyes one win away from returning to Indianapolis for the Big Ten Championship Game. Penn State, Iowa, Northwestern, Rutgers, and Michigan State all came out victorious this weekend.

Ohio State 31, Minnesota 24

J.T. Barrett broke three Ohio State records in this game, which, at 15 degrees at kickoff, was the coldest game that the Buckeyes had played since 1964. Barrett ran for a quarterback-record 189 yards, set the record for longest TD run by a QB with his 86 yarder, and became Ohio State’s single-season touchdown record-holder as he is now responsible for 38 Buckeye touchdowns.

David Cobb was impressive for the Golden Gophers, rushing the ball 27 times for 145 yards and three touchdowns as Minnesota fell to 7-3 on the season. The Gophers will travel to Nebraska next week while the Buckeyes return to the Horseshoe to welcome the Hoosiers of Indiana.

Penn State 30, Temple 14

Penn State turned a close game into a blowout in the second half as the Nittany Lions capitalized on five Temple turnovers to become bowl-eligible for the first time since 2011. Akeel Lynch ran for 130 yards and a touchdown and Bill Belton added 92 on the ground to go with a score of his own.

Christian Hackenberg was just 12-26 for 112 yards but the Nittany Lions didn’t need him to be at his best for this one. Penn State makes a trip to Champaign to take on the Fighting Illini on Saturday.

Iowa 30, Illinois 14

Iowa went into Memorial Stadium and dominated the Illini to get the bad taste of their blowout loss to Minnesota out of their mouths. Iowa outgained Illinois 587-235 in total offense, including 304-88 on the ground. Mark Weisman led the way for the Hawkeyes with 134 rushing yards.

Jake Rudock finished with 210 passing yards and two scores as Iowa moved to 7-3 overall and 4-2 in Big Ten play. The Hawkeyes will go back home this week to play Wisconsin and Illinois will host Penn State.

Wisconsin 59, Nebraska 24

Nebraska started the game off hot, jumping out to an early 17-3 lead. That’s as good as it would get for the Cornhuskers, as Wisconsin would score the next 56 points to blow out their opponents. Melvin Gordon added to his already impressive Heisman resume with his greatest performance yet. Gordon broke LaDainian Tomlinson’s 15-year-old record for most rushing yards in a game with 408. Oh, and he did it in just three quarters as he sat out the entire 4th quarter.

Nebraska struggled all day, managing just 180 yards of offense. Ameer Abdullah was not at his best, getting burnt repeatedly in pass protection and rushing for just 69 yards in the game. Wisconsin now holds the edge in the race for the Big Ten West and will look to continue their run next week when they go to Kinnick Stadium to take on Iowa. Nebraska will try to rebound back at home when Minnesota comes to Lincoln.

Northwestern 43, Notre Dame 40 (OT)

Northwestern went in to South Bend and knocked off the Fighting Irish thanks to a Jack Mitchell field goal in overtime after Notre Dame missed a field goal on their opening possession of overtime. The Wildcats bounced back in a huge way after rushing for a whopping negative 9 yards rushing last week to gain 263 yards on the ground.

Justin Jackson carried the majority of the load, rushing for 149 yards and a touchdown as Northwestern kept their slim bowl hopes alive with the win moving them to 4-6 on the season. The Wildcats go to Purdue next weekend to continue their march towards bowl eligibility.

Rutgers 45, Indiana 23

Rutgers became bowl eligible as they ran away from Indiana in the second half after going into the break trailing 13-10. The Scarlet Knights outscored the Hoosiers 35-10 over the final 30 minutes behind 217 yards passing and two TDs from Gary Nova, with both touchdowns going to Leonte Carroo.

If not for Melvin Gordon, the Big Ten’s best rushing day would have belonged to Indiana’s Tevin Coleman, who carried the ball 32 times for 307 yards and a touchdown. Things don’t get any easier for Indiana, who will travel to Columbus to play Ohio State, and things will certainly get tougher for the Scarlet Knights, who make a trip to East Lansing to take on the Spartans.

Michigan State 37, Maryland 15

Michigan State bounced back from the loss to Ohio State by shutting down Maryland throughout the game, holding the Terrapins to just six yards on the ground. C.J. Brown did throw for 246 yards and two touchdowns but he was also picked off three times.

Jeremy Langford ran for 138 yards and two scores as he continues his impressive senior campaign, crossing the 1,000-yard mark in this game. Maryland travels to Ann Arbor this weekend while Michigan State hosts Rutgers while hoping Ohio State will slip up in their last two games to make the Big Ten Championship Game.

Will the Buckeyes clinch their spot in the Big Ten Championship Game this weekend? Has Wisconsin grabbed their place as well, or will there be an upset in the West over the next two weeks? Let us know what you think the matchup will be in Indianapolis!