Had enough football yet? Here’s some more!

Some notable games of interest this afternoon:

It’s the Noon Game Open Thread, which means you’ll be watching the Buckeyes and who cares who else is play?

But seriously, feel free to rant, rave, complain and chat about the games going on this early afternoon, but most especially the Buckeyes beating Maryland on Homecoming.

It’s been said that the formula for happiness is H = R/E, where R is reality and E is expectation. Every once in a while I’m reminded of this equation, and it seems to apply to sports fandom particularly well.

Consider Ohio State and Michigan. Entering the season, the Buckeyes were the prohibitive favorite to repeat as national champions. Loaded with talent, no other team looked quite as good on paper. There was some excitement for the Wolverines with a new head coach, a hire that actually felt like they weren’t just settling for a change. But no one really had them pegged for greatness; the roster was still kind of a mess and the Big Ten looked to have more bite than usual following a stellar bowl season.

Using the “happiness formula” and the Vegas gambling numbers as a representation of expectation (which is precisely what they are), we can see that the math backs up what we already know: Ohio State’s offense is making fans unhappy. Only once did the Buckeyes put up more points than expected, scoring 42 against Virginia Tech when Vegas was calling for 33. In every other game, Ohio State was projected to score over 42 and they haven’t cracked 40 since blasting the Hokies. On average, the Buckeye offense’s reality is 79% of expectation.

Michigan fans, on the other hand, are elated. Their defense has yet to underperform and has delivered two consecutive shutouts when their opponents were supposed to score at least 17 points. The offense hasn’t been quite as pleasing, but is still averaging 96% of expectation.

What will make us happy today? Ohio State is again projected to score 42+ points against a hopefully-outmatched opponent. Michigan is favored as well, and if they can do better than a 7-point win, fans should rejoice. But regardless of what happens for either team, fans would do well to think back to just last October.

After five games last year, Ohio State was 4-1 and ranked #15 in the AP poll. The Buckeyes had just beaten Maryland on the road by 28 points, and hopes of getting back into the playoff race were beginning to surface.

After five games this year, Michigan is 4-1 and ranked #18 in the AP poll. The Wolverines just beat Maryland on the road by 28 points, and hopes of getting into the playoff race are beginning to surface.

I’m pointing out that parallel not to startle you with visions of a Michigan national title, but to show that there is still a lot more football left to be played. It’s tempting to start drawing conclusions about how good teams are right now, and the popular sports media is the primary culprit of that, with incessant predictions of a playoff picture that hasn’t even begun to take shape. Last year, the first playoff rankings (the ones that matter) were released at the end of October, after most teams had played 7 or 8 games and still only featured one of the eventual participants in the top four.

We’ll learn a little more about how good Michigan is today, when they take on undefeated Northwestern. The two teams sit atop the nation in scoring defense, each allowing approximately a single touchdown per game. Neither has beaten a team with a high-powered offense, but the good news (if you want to call it that) is that neither has a high-powered offense either. If either team scores more than a couple offensive touchdowns, it would be remarkable.

Last year, Ohio State rebuilt its reputation following the Virginia Tech loss with a string of blowout wins. While the team hasn’t actually lost yet—and is still ranked #1—there has been a bit of a blow to the national perception of the Buckeyes since being voted the first-ever unanimous preseason #1 team in the history of the AP poll. Another avalanche of big wins would go a long way to remedy that, and where better to start than against a Maryland team that is already planning to fire its coach after the game?

Exactly 12 days before the game at Virginia Tech, controversy struck. As the media walked in to do their interviews, they witnessed a team that was out of the norm. There was no dancing like normal, the guys were quiet and the environment was strange. The interviews scheduled were cancelled shortly after they arrived. Something was wrong.

Rising star, and the most improved player on the team, who was “unguardable” at times during camp was injured. Noah Brown, true sophomore, who many had pegged to be a breakout star, broke his leg and was instantly ruled out for the season.

Fast forward to the 5th game of the season at Indiana. Corey Smith was blocking on the edge, and got hit from behind. He suffered a similar injury as Noah Brown, and is, of course, out for the season. “But my heart bleeds for that guy… He was on all special teams for us, played really, really hard.” said Coach Urban Meyer.

Although Corey hadn’t quite lived up to the potential and hype many people had placed on him, he was the type of player you want on your team. Like Urban said, he was a do-it-all type of guy. Corey was also looking to fill a certain void this team desperately needs. According to Urban, Corey was one of two guys that was going to be used to help replace the deep threat that Devin Smith took to the NFL.

After being considered one of, if not the deepest units on the team before the season, many people are concerned with the potential lack of depth at Wide Receiver. With the loss of Corey and Noah, people have questioned if the team has enough true wide receivers to be successful moving down the road. And with that concern of lack of true wide receivers, comes concern with perhaps even more trouble blocking on the outside.

Firstly, I don’t think depth at WR is as big of a problem as people are thinking. It’s certainly different circumstances, but while missing Noah Brown, Corey Smith, Dontre Wilson, and Jalin Marshall in the first game of the season against the best defense the team has faced so far, the team put up the most points they’ve had all season (42). Also, this team has so many viable weapons at WR that Ohio State ended up putting an extra WR position on the depth chart; making 12 positions on offense.

Below, and on the left is a picture of the depth chart for this upcoming game against Maryland. On the right is a depth chart heading into the Penn State game last year. Last year, the team only listed 7 wide receivers on offense. This year, as you can see, they list a total of 10 wide receivers. 3 players is a huge difference when speaking in terms of depth. And, even with those ten listed, they don’t have true freshmen K.J. Hill or Torrance Gibson

“K.J. (Hill), he certainly has earned a right to mix in there a little bit, but we’re not sure we’re going to do that yet. He had a little injury too, but he’s fine now. You wish you’d play more, but right now we’ve got a little bit of depth.” Also elite QB-turned-WR Torrance Gibson, who may be raw, but is an athletic freak  isn’t listed, but could play if absolutely necessary.

Although the depth is fine, experience is one thing the unit lacks.

Braxton Miller is obviously very inexperienced at H-Back, having only played 5 games at that position. He still has work to do with blocking, and ability to be on the field without having to get the ball. When that happens, and he gets the ball in open field, you know the outcome.

Dontre Wilson and Jalin Marshall are both in their 2nd full year playing as WRs, but there are some questions with their ability to block and ball security. Because of their small size those two things have been an issue, but they are definitely improving. “He’s never been a full-time player because he’s never been big and strong enough. This is the first year, I have no doubt that he can go out there and hold the point blocking on the perimeter. The first maybe year and a half, he couldn’t do it.” Urban said about Dontre.

Michael Thomas is arguably the best WR in the country. He is the leader of this “Zone 6”  unit, and whenever a big play is needed, you can always look towards “@cantguardmike .”

Parris is a redshirt freshman (who was offered after one game where Urban witnessed his speed) who has been injured the past two games with a knee injury, but had earned praise from Urban before that. “He’s big and strong and tough,” Urban said. “And he’s showing that. I love him. I think he’s going to have a really fine career here.” Jeff Greene is a transfer from GA Tech, he is the tallest WR for the Buckeyes, and he is one of the veterans of the unit. Although he doesn’t have many stats to show for it, Jeff is a good WR, and will be ready when his number is called.

Curtis Samuel is a guy that excites many of the coaches. He doesn’t have much experience at WR because he played in the backfield all last year, but he is looked to be a playmaker. He is averaging over 15 yards per touch, and he even caught the 1st TD pass of the season. Though he was slightly injured last week with back spasms, he is back to practicing, and the coaches will continue to look to give him more touches. James Clark is a fairly young guy, even though this is his 3rd year in the program. He broke his ankle during his freshman season, and he is finally healthy, and he’s begun to turn heads within the staff.

Johnnie Dixon and Terry McLaurin are two speed demons who are in their first real year of playing for the Buckeyes. Johnnie has been plagued by knee tendinitis throughout his Ohio State career, and he hasn’t done much since Virginia Tech. Terry McLaurin hasn’t done much receiving but he has produced greatly on special teams.  “They tell us around here, the best way to get on the field is through special teams,” McLaurin said. “I felt like any special teams they needed me on – punt, kickoff, kickoff return, whatever it was – I was just going to be willing to help the team any way I can. I found that through the first four games, I’ve been trying make just the biggest impact I can.”

Overall, the depth in the wide receiver unit is fine. That’s one of the perks of top-notch recruiting, you get plenty of depth and skill. The argument was that there may be too much depth at WR, but now since Corey got hurt, many people have started to believe that the unit is “extremely thin.” Of course, any type of injury is terrible, but this team can afford it for now. There are a sufficient amount of bodies, and even though they are inexperienced, the talent they have makes up for it. So, as long as Zone 6 keeps working (which they will), continues to improve blocking on the edge, and continue to build chemistry with Cardale, the unit and the team will be just fine.

By: Ryan Black

Big Ten play has started and an annual gathering went down last night for the people of the conference only. This secret roast took place Wednesday evening and players and coaches from all 14 B1G schools were in attendance.

A roast is somebody like me’s worst nightmare; I hate conflict and I just wish everybody could say nice things to one another. This is the opposite of that. Imagine being the center of attention in front of a crowd of people while strangers pick at your every insecurity.

If this is your thing then you are in luck. I peruse some very weird websites late in the evening and I stumbled upon a leaked transcript of what went down Wednesday night. Don’t ask my sources, just enjoy the roasting.

Here is the Big Ten Roast:

Host: “Welcome! Welcome! You’re all here for the annual Big Ten Roast and boy are you in for a treat this evening. 

And I’m not talking about a Dilly Bar in 15 degree weather kind of treat Gophers, I’m talking about a nut punch from a BYU player kind of reward.”

(Reserved Laughter)

“Please remember that all cell phones and cameras are not allowed! Without further ado, here is a washed-up New York comedian to get us underway!”

(Applause)

Washed-Up Comedian: “It’s great to be here on this night to honor this lovely conference; It really is.

I see a lot of beautiful faces tonight, in fact there is Kate Upton right over here.”

(Applause)

“Oh excuse me, that’s not Kate Upton, that’s Iowa Quarterback C.J. Beathard with his gorgeous long-blonde hair.”

(Laughter)

“C.J. Really is the total package at quarterback-He’s got the feet of Warren Moon, the name of a pornstar and the arm of… Kate Upton”

(Laughter)

“I kid, I kid.

I do wish Kate was here though. I don’t think, as a 5’7 230 pound Jewish man, that I’d have much of a shot with her but hey, the odds are still probably higher of that happening than Maryland ever winning the Big Ten East, so you never know.

(Laughter)

“I also had a dig about Rutgers written here  but when their team heard about it, 5 players assaulted me and another one powerbombed my wife and my notes into the Hudson River.”

(Laughter)

“I had to apologize to the producers of tonight’s event for being a little late, I made the mistake of hiring Mike Riley as my schedule planner.”

(Laughter)

“Guy manages time about as well as Jim Harbaugh manages two part questions from the media.”

(Laughter)

“I mean for a guy who’s mouth is hanging open for 90% of the day, Jim sure does say very few words.

In fact his open mouth to word ratio is almost as stupid as Ohio State’s turnover ratio this season.”

(Laughter)

“The turnover problem is one of two things-Either Cardale Jones and Jailin Marshall sweat popcorn butter or they care as much for the football as the average NCAA player’s father cares about their son… until right before the NFL Draft.”

(Gasps then quiet laughter)

“Well my time is almost done here and I’m glad I was able to go first because unlike Purdue, I hate finishing last”

(Laughter the Applause)

 

Host: “Ouch, I can still feel the burns over here. Up next we have a real home run hitter, the Giant Perverted Screaming Lady.”

(Applause)

GPSL: “It’s a honor to be here on this lovely evening.

As many of you may know, I get around.”

(Crowd Swoons)

In fact the only people here tonight who have had more college kids in their end zone than me is the Indiana defense.”

(Laughter)

“Sorry, the Penn State players didn’t get that one.

Hey Christian Hackenburg, the end zone is the white line that you need to cross in order to get 6 points. You should try it some time.”

(Laughter)

“Speaking of end zones, What’s up Mark Dantonio’s?

Guy is more grumpy than my ex husband after he finally saw what I look like with my clothes off on our honeymoon…

(Laughter)

“Speaking of disasters, how about Illinois’ off-season?

My god, kids get better medical advice on the playground. 

(Laughter)

“Yea, the word on the street is Michael Jackson’s doctor took orders from Tim Beckman.”

(Gasps then quiet laughter)

“Sorry, I’m trying not to get too offensive tonight…

I forgot we have Wisconsin and Minnesota here, two of the least offensive teams in the country.”

(Laughter)

“Last but not least I’m supposed to mention the Northwestern Wildcats…

When I was looking at the team picture I assumed they were a chess club.

( Quiet Laughter)

“They are known for choking away games in horrific fashion at the end of every season. 

In fact, the last time the universe saw this many white boys falling off a sinking ship was the Titanic.

(Laughter)

Well, that’s where the transcript cut off.  I’m told the rest of the night was just Wisconsin and Penn State kicker fat jokes?

What did you think? I personally haven’t seen that many burns since….

Nope, I won’t do it.

Have a good weekend.

By: Phil Schoch, Twitter me @osuphil95

Each week in this spot, we look at college football’s point spreads and match-ups and predict each B1G game as well as a few national spotlight games.

After my savant-like selections in Week 4, Pick ‘em & Tidbits slipped below sea level with a 4-6 mark versus the spread and 7-3 straight up in Week 5. My PM Stukenborg Fearless Prediction (Bama over the Dawgs) covered for the 5^th consecutive week and won outright for the second time. After five weeks, I am 34-39 against the spread and 56-17 straight up.

Bert the Head Hog put the brakes on the Razorbacks three game losing skid with a come from behind victory over Tennessee (more on them later). But fear not haters! The Hogs are 17-point dogs to Bama this week. #bucketsofbertsbacontears

Disclaimer: Warning! Do not try this at home! I am a trained professional (at something).

Around the B1G…

Saturday, October 10

Oooooh-oo-oooh, sweet child o’ mine. Oh-oh-oh-oooh, sweet child o’ my-yine! Guns N’ Roses lead singer, Axl Rose, is originally from Lafayette, Indiana. Rock around the Clock-er’s, Bill Haley & His Comets, were from Chester, Pennsylvania.

Pick ’em says… This game currently has no point spread, because of injuries sustained by Indiana’s starting QB and RB in the Ohio State game. If Nate Sudfeld and Jordan Howard are near 100%, I like the Hoosiers in a close one. If not, Penn State  rolls into Columbus next Saturday at 5-1.

This could be the game that sends Maryland into the tailspin that costs Randy Edsal his job. If Ohio State’s offense can not get on track versus a hapless Maryland squad and continues to struggle, I will officially be concerned for the long-term outlook of this squad.  Excellent opportunity for a shutout this week as the Terps netted less than 100 yards of total offense last week against Michigan.

Pick ’em says… For the fourth consecutive week, I’ll call for the O to finally break out. 52-0. Eventually I’ll be right.

Kirk Ferentz can almost taste his fourth B1G Coach of the Year award! However a plucky crew of Cubit, Fitzgerald, Harbaugh and _______ (anyone who might beat Ohio State) are keeping the competition, lively, I guess.

Pick ’em says… Iowa’s 10-6 victory last week at Wisconsin was a sleep inducing beauty. If the Buckeyes were not playing in the noon slot, this would be a fantastic sleeper too. Hawkeyes, 24-14.

Since 2005, Michigan has a record of 77-54 and their last true B1G Championship was in 2003. So it’s understandable why the Walmart Wolverines are so excited about four consecutive wins. Since 2005, Northwestern is 78-45 with their last true B1G Championship in 1995. All 20,000 Wildcat fans are mildly bemused by the team’s 5-0 start.

Pick ’em & PM Stukenborg says…

Let’s go Wildcats! Northwestern, 20-17.

From 1966 – 2012, legendary Minster (Ohio) resident, Paul ‘P.M.’ Stukenborg (pictured above) posted his weekly sports predictions in the hometown paper, The Community Post. Each week, Pick ’em will make a P.M. Stukenborg Fearless Prediction and call for an underdog to to knock off the favorite.

NSFW ALERT! Pure Michigan! Walmart Wolverines, https://youtu.be/01Kz6Rw99Kk

These two proud programs are coming off mostly incompetent and embarrassing losses last week and now face each other in a B1G West elimination game. The loser can be assured that they won’t have to catch a whoopin’ in the B1G title game. Happy Oktoberfest!

Pick ’em says… Oktoberfest gals over amber waves of grain ev-er-y-time. Badgers, 16-13.

What the heck, Gophers? In a month’s time, you’ve gone from B1G West favorites to 3-point favorites over Purdue? Not very B1G Coach of the Year of you, Jerry Kill.

Pick ’em says…  I would never wager on this game, because I don’t trust either team. But I have to make a selection to preserve the integrity of this weekly article. Why not? Boiler up? 17-13?

Sparty has under-performed all season and Rutgers is New Jersey Purdue, so forget the analysis.

While I was pecking away at this article, the news of legendary New Orleans drummer – Smokey Johnson’s passing was confirmed. Instead of thinking about Rutgers, enjoy a Smokey classic. SAFE LINK! https://youtu.be/SlBuc863hU0

Pick ’em says… Spartans, 38-13.

Oh the bloodshot Eyes of Texas are upon you! No amount of Lone Star swill can erase the 50-7 spanking TCU applied to Bevo’s hindquarters. What’s worse Horn’s fans? 50-7 or that TCU let up after halftime so they wouldn’t run up the score? Now more than ever, Texas is a perfect fit for the B1G West.

Pick ’em says… The Sooners can’t possibly blow this one, right Bob? OU, 38-13.

Of course Georgia wasn’t ready for prime time against Alabama last week and got drilled. Will the Bama loss carry over on the road this week at Tennessee? Tennessee was the preseason talk of the SEC East. Now the Vols are 2-3 with three double-digit, gag-job losses to Oklahoma, Florida and Arkansas. With the hot seat getting hotter and another high profile loss, either Mark Richt or Butch Jones, is going to need flame-resistant Underoos.

Pick ’em says… Tennessee at home, 27-24.

C’MON, #FIREALGOLDEN THESE BANNERS ARE EXPENSIVE. Similar banners have been flown over every Miami game this season.

For a taste of the real Florida, follow @_FloridaMan on Twitter. Three of his most recent headlines are…

Florida Man Dances on Hood of Car in 7-Eleven Parking Lot While Swigging Brandy, Says It’s His “Chilling Day” 

Florida Man Says He Spends 8 Hours a Day Trying to Regrow His Foreskin 

Florida Man Denies Mutilating Goat; Says He Only Took Part in Religious “Animal Sacrifice”, Still Running For Senate.

Pick ’em says… You’re not going to watch this game. You’re going to watch the Columbus Blue Jackets at the New York Rangers on FOX Sports Ohio and listen to Canada’s version of @_FloridaMan, Jeff Rimer, on the call.

Seminoles, 27-20.

Ohio State head coach Urban Meyer watches his team during NCAA college football practice Tuesday, March 4, 2014, in Columbus, Ohio. (AP Photo/Jay LaPrete)

The Urban Dictionary. Welcome to a new and (hopefully) recurring piece that will be a peek into Urban Meyer’s jargon, but more importantly – what it actually means when heard by different people and their reactions to said jargon.

They will typically involve looking at his post game comments from the previous week’s game, but anything that comes out of the mouth of the great one is fair game for analysis.

Granted I am not Meyer himself (…or am I?), so there is no way to tell how accurate these analyses will be, but it will be fun to try.

We’ll start with the narrow win over Indiana this past weekend…

Urban said – “We’re turning the ball over at an alarming rate. That’s obviously a difference in the game. And at some point, that’s going to bite you. We have to fix that.”

• The Fans – No kidding. There’s an easy fix for this, start JT…
• The Media – So, have you settled on a starting quarterback yet?
• The Players – We’re still 5-0, but we need to be better still…our fans expect nothing short of a 70-0 win against every team we play. Back to the grind.

Urban said – “The turnovers have to change right now. I mean, right now. There’s a couple of ways to do it. Just keep coaching and emphasize what we do. And second, the guys who lay it on the ground just can’t play.”

• The Fans – The guys who lay it on the ground? What about the guy that lays it into the hands of the other team? Start JT.
• The Media – Do you think you need to re-evaluate who should be the starting quarterback?
• The Players – Coach is gunna be on Jalin’s (Marshall) case in practice this week…I didn’t fumble the ball twice.

Urban said – “The best thing about being 5-0 is a chance to go 6-0.”

• The Fans – We won’t go 6-0. Unless you start JT of course.
• The Media – With Jones in the starting quarterback role, IS there a chance?
• The Players – Everything will be fine. In the words of Michael Thomas: #shhhhhhh

Hopefully you have enjoyed the first page in The Urban Dictionary. Feel free to disagree with any and all, or none of my reactions. Because like I said, I am not Meyer himself…