NegaBuck: The First Annual Big Ten Player Hatin’ Awards

 

The good guys pulled away late against the evil empi… well, more like a local coffee shop from the North on Saturday but it came with a price-J.T. Barrett is out for the season and Ohio State is down another leading man before taking on the Badgers in Indianapolis in a few days.

I’ve never seen a team have such horrible luck as the 2014 Ohio State squad- Oh wait, I have. Somehow it seems like every player on my Blue Jackets has AIDS…

Honestly I don’t think they have enough healthy bodies to change a light-bulb.

Unfortunate hockey players aside, somehow the regular season is over (except for the communist Big 12) and conference awards are being announced. Being a negative fan, this makes me sick.

These coaches and players don’t need their already huge egos fed so it’s time to put some people in their place. I’ve decided to give out some shame awards to some really messed up people. It’s time to make some people feel really bad.

Put on your nicest jean jacket-Here is the first ever Big Ten Player Hatin’ Awards:

 

Heathen of the Year:

What is the best food option if it’s ten degrees outside and you need a bite to eat? You eat a damn dilly bar as this Minnesota electronics coordinator did.

Frostbite and diabetes, does this man have no care for his limbs?

Minnesota coach

Congrats to Dan Lehman you goof.

http://espn.go.com/blog/bigten/post/_/id/111165/dilly-bar-dan-enjoys-his-brush-with-fame

 

The Patrick Bateman Bipolar Award:

 

There is a team this year that doesn’t know who they are most games. This team somehow has convincing wins @ Wisconsin @ Penn State and a neutral site overtime win over Notre Dame.

This same squad has also lost to Northern Illinois, Iowa, Michigan and Illinois…

There is nothing more uncomfortable than dealing with somebody who doesn’t know who they are.

Northwestern you should be ashamed, find a way to define yourselves next year. Are you wusses or are you cold blooded killers?

The Anne Hathaway- Should I Kiss or Punch You- Coach of the Year:

Sometimes she looks like a ten, sometimes she looks like a gremlin…

Sometimes Tom Herman, Ohio State’s offensive coordinator,  will out think himself on a 2nd and 1 and call something stupid like a delayed quarterback run to the outside that will lose 3 yards.

Other times he looks like the Broyles Award candiate that he is. You can’t deny how amazing quarterbacks have performed under him for the last three years.

Similar to Northwestern, pick a trait you ignorant genius.

The Rickety Cricket Bum of the Year:

I’m in a giving mood so this prestigious award will go to 5 men- The Penn State offensive line. Maybe the worst position group I have ever seen from a Big Ten school and that’s saying something.

These clowns get beat more than me when my wife gets a little liquor in her and that’s also saying something.

 

The You Look Like Randy Bobandy Award:

Going to have to leave the conference this year but it’s finally good to see Randy isn’t hooking for cheeseburgers anymore- He’s a professional kicker! Randy Bullock wins the big one.

 

First Team All Conference Horrible Names Team:

This is more a hate indictment on the player’s parents but these kids should be ashamed nonetheless. Some names really piss me off.

QB: Reilly O’Toole, Illinois So Irish that he puts whiskey in his water bottle and prefers the center to snap him bangers over footballs.

RB: Keyante Green, Purdue–  Goes delicious with fava beans and dude brains.

WR: Connor Cummins, Wisconsin I think I’ve seen one of his “online videos” and it was definitely on accident, I promise.

TE: Freedom Akinmoladun, Wisconsin– …

FYI: Jake Butt was too easy and my brother actually is pretty good friends with him so I’ll leave him alone, for now.

 

Butt lol

OL 1: Mitch Keppy, Iowa–  Most Iowa white boy name ever. Guarantee you he loves Taylor Swift, pickup trucks and Chipotle. Get some culture bro.

OL 2: Bryan Stonkus, RutgersHe’s probably a nice guy but his name just gives off a vibe of a really gross dude.

DL 1: Thieren Cockran, MinnesotaHis first name reeks of a pretentious Shakespeare character, his last name…

DL 2: Taco Charlton, Michigan My brother also grew up with this young man but every time I see him play I get real hungry and somehow end up at Taco Bell which adds to my gut that is growing at an alarming rate. Please graduate soon.

LB 1: Zepheniah Grimes, IllinoisSimply dismal.

LB 2: D’Cota Dixon, WisconsinThis makes zero sense homey. Is substituting an ‘ really saving you that much more time than using an A?

DB 1: Lubern Figaro, WisconsinFor god’s sake Badgers, does Gary Anderson only recruit kids with terrible names?

DB 2: Godwin Igwebuike, Northwestern Holy hell, another Pickerington kid that I watched grow up with my brother. Maybe there is something to the crazy names and being successful in this city…

Now that I am married and live in Picktown, I have decided my first born will be named God-Butt Taco Black.

Kicker: Emmit Carpenter, MinnesotaSorry kid but watching the Cowboys growing up I just cannot accept an Emmit who looks like this:

Punter,: Logan McElfresh, MinnesotaAnother goofer, sounds like a damn Mcdonalds 5 dollar salad.

 

There it is you jamokes, the first edition of the Big Ten Player Awards is finally over. Thank God.

I’m headed to Indy in a few days and I hope to see you there.

I’ll be the ugly guy in the red scarlet shirt sitting with other lower middle class people in section 625.

Lucky me, as I just read that this is listed as a Wisconsin section so Badger fans come find me and we can do two things:

Get drunk and fight.

 

Bonus: This basically sums up one of the funniest shows on t.v.

 

Double Bonus: Severe spoilers from Season 4 of Boardwalk Empire below, you are warned. One of the most beautifully sad scenes in history in my opinion.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Negative Buckeye: Sort of Midseason Awards

by: Ryan Black

awesome photo courtesy: The Eddie Mauldin Show

 

 

Hey there jerks and complainers, it’s that time of week again. We’re in week 7 of a 14 week college football season and for some voodoo hogwarsh (as my dad would say it) reason the Buckeyes have already had two bye weeks. The only reason I made it through Saturday without scraping my tiny brains out was the fact that I was able to head downtown to see the Blue Jackets, who are pretty freaking fun to watch these days- Try not to dance

It could be worse though… Penn State is now on their second bye in three weeks while Bowling Green will go 18 days between games after this Saturday (that’s 432 hours or 1,522,200 seconds). Talk about Chinese water torture, sheesh. Another fact I dug up about the Bowling Green Falcons is they have one Saturday game left… for the rest of the year. Thank Tressel I’m a Buckeye for I could not ever deal with a Tuesday night game, let alone one every week.  I still don’t know how I’ll handle a labor day game to kick off next season against VA Tech.

I’ve been complaining all year about the things that really get my goat and I don’t plan on stopping. However, I’m ready to give back to this Buckeye team with my mid season awards.

Yes, Ohio State is only 41% through their season, but we are almost halfway through the entire NCAA season and one can only talk about another god-forsaken bye week so many times. Let’s give the best Buckeyes as of now, their due.

Here it is, the first ever MidSeason Ohio State Buckeye Awards (awards are named after my favorite people because I’m selfish):

 

The Footsteps Shane Falco Best Quarterback Award:

You think I’m going to say J.T. Barrett, and I am, it’s J.T. Barrett.

 

The Petey Jones Top Running Back Guy:

It appeared as Curtis Samuel was poised to win this coveted prize but then Ezekiel Elliot was like, “Nuh Uh (I bet you read this in Monique’s voice)”. The winner is Ezekiel.

 

The Tweeder from Varsity Blues Best WR Bro:

Michael Thomas has become the top target on this team for the first half and I’m sure he’s happy to earn this award, but hopefully not the S.T.D.’s of Tweeder.

 

The Workaholic’s Top Tight Butt Ho… I Mean Tight End Award:

Jeff Heuerman has been injured for most of the games so far and Nick Vannett has been an outstanding blocker as a replacement. Also added on 8 catches and a touchdown, the winner is Nick.

 

The Tyson Walter Knock Out Offensive Lineman of the Year:

You young bucks may not get this reference but that’s cool. In Cooper’s last year, LeCharles Bentley knocked out fellow lineman Tyson Walter during practice; no big deal. Taylor Decker has been outstanding so far as the only returning starter on the offensive line, save a few false starts, so he will win this illustrious fat guy award. Hope Ohio State can keep him for one more year.

 

The Joey Bosa Most Dreamy Defensive Lineman:

Joey Bosa.

 

The Bobby Boucher Linebacker Who Opens Can’s of Whoop Ass Champ:

Darron Lee is a dog among men. He certainly reminds me of a smaller Ryan Shazier.

 

The Antoine Winfield “I’ll Name My Cat After You” Defensive Back:

When I was just a boy, I was given the privilege  of naming the family cat. I chose Winfield because, hell, Antoine was bad ass. My cat Winfield may die soon, so I am in need of a new one.

This year goes to Doran Grant.  He had one fudge up against Cincy but he has been very consistent at shutting down is side of the field. And I think Grant is a very classy name for a feline friend.

and finally…

 

The Larry David God of the Year:

Larry David is the only non Buckeye I will put on a Jim Tressel “lord like” level. He’s my idol and he will take issue with anything or anyone. So who better to name the MVP award of the first half after than the “social assassin”? I’m going with a cop out and am picking two winners, don’t yell at me.

 

And the winners are….

 

 

 

 

Joey Bosa’s parents. These two created the perfect human and without them there would be no reason to wake up in the morning.

 

 

I wanted to go really in depth with this post and do my “first and second team” all Buckeyes but then I realized that would just be the depth chart….

 

Whatever, see you next Tuesday.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is this thing on…

So the burnout of another season took it’s toll on the MotSaG…or more particularly YNBA…

Surprised? Not Really. It is tough to come up with brilliant material on a weekly basis when nothing is going on in the college football landscape. Here is a quick list of 20 general happenings over the last few months:

  1. Tim Tebow did something magical…not quite sure what it was…
  2. The CBJ made the playoffs and were happy to be there for a week.
  3. Jamal Berry likes to carry the ‘sticky icky‘ in his car.
  4. FC Barcelona won the Champions League against Manchester United and an angel got it’s wings.
  5. Tim Tebow did something philanthropic…not quite sure what it was…
  6. Carlos Hyde is a poor test-taker, or he is dumb, or he doesnt care, or he just really wanted to attend Fork Union next year.
  7. Terrelle Pryor looks like he can read a defense and cleaned up his throwing motion (a little), but there are still 4 QB’s on the Penn State roster that are better than him and a few PSU trainers, as well (Source: Any Ohio State Thread on Audibles).
  8. Ole Miss and North Caolina are in the top 10 in the pre-season polls. Thus fulfilling reason #4576 why polls shouldnt be released until the sixth week of the season.
  9. EDSBS’s Digital Viking Series has won over a nation of blog readers
  10. Deadspin…something is missing over there..well..besides Leitch, “Hirshey is the Closer”, and a gentle dose of “This Week’s Apologies”, but hey, they can embed youtube music videos like no other.
  11. Real Madrid spent over 200 million euros on two players…and that is without including the player salaries for the non-soccer crowd.
  12. The Cleveland Indians bi-annual YNBA soul killing exercise is in full effect this year.
  13. We were kind of ‘witnesses’ to BronBron getting faced…in a Ferris Bueller 31-Flavors kind of way…
  14. The Cavs got Shaq Diesel. Well maybe the Bio-Diesel Version. Doesnt this make Cavs fan hate Carlos Boozer a little more each year?
  15. The US Men’s Soccer Team had a great and completely unexpected run in the Confederations Cup (Spain…really?) and Landon Donovan has been rejuvenated. Did you hear that? That was Bob Bradley getting up from sucking his thumb in the corner.
  16. The Browns continue to be the Browns, but it could be worse…they could be the Seahawks (giggle giggle).
  17. Our Honor Defend’s “Better Know a Buckeye” Series has been top notch work for a slow summer.
  18. David Beckham came back from Italy to sounds of boo’s and a simple chorus of no one really giving a flying crap about David Beckham anymore. Beckham Experiment = EPIC FAIL
  19. Rick Nash signs with the CBJ for 25 years. Oh alright…8 years. Sorry Maple Leaf Fans.
  20. South Carolina really wants Ohioans to leave. It’s like a little kid running a lemonade stand asking someone with a ten dollar bill to get lost.

Robbed

cbjlogonew.jpgAttention, Mr. Bettman, Mr. Campbell, and Associated NHL Morons:

When a player is flying through the air, moving his skates backward relative to his body in order to not slice the jugular of your flavor-of-the-month goaltender, and the puck bounces off his edges & goes into the net, it is not a “distinct kicking motion.” Mmkay?

Nobody on planet Earth, including the die-hardiest Dallas hockey fans, think the Toronto war room should have even reviewed, much less overturned, Malhotra’s game winning goal.

Between last night’s fiasco and the referree shamefest of Fail that was the Oct 25th CBJ/Wild game, that’s three points the Jackets have lost this year, directly due to the officials changing the outcome of the game.

Those two circumstances have completely changed the Jackets’ place in the standings (from their earned 35-point 7th position to their current 32-point 12th), and by domino effect, the entire makeup of the Western Conference:

jacketsplus31

Does this type of thing happen to other teams? Sure, but – and this is importantnever to the level that it happens to Columbus.

There is clear, historical evidence that the Jackets suffer from consistently poor and/or controversial officiating. Last night’s blatant failfest. The deceit/subsequent revelations following the Wild game mentioned above. The infamous “scoring a goal after the horn sounded” fiasco against Calgary. And we can’t forget the “Wes Walz Copperfield” goal where the center carried the puck into the net inside his pants leg, the goal was waved off (hence unreviewable), yet Toronto decided to break its own rules and give the game to Minnesota. And on and on and on.

Look, exactly how long is the unwritten expansion franchise always gets the bad calls thing going to last? If you could let those of us in Columbus know, we’d appreciate it.

Meanwhile, get control of your review process. You’re alienating a huge part of your fanbase, and not doing a particularly good job of hiding your disdain for the Jackets. When Dallas fans acknowledge they were fortunate, you’re not exactly being subtle anymore.

Don’t look now…

cbjlogonew.jpg…but the Jackets have quietly crawled out of the Western Conference basement.

In fact, they’ve amazingly moved up to 8th place in the West. Collecting nine points in six games will do that.

Mason is performing admirably. The young guns on the team are forming a chemistry – they seem to be playing more as a team and less as individuals. Brassard’s Rookie of the Month award for October was well-deserved. There’s still tons of inconsistency, but every so often, flashes of brilliance appear that grab the attention, and give some encouragement as the meat of the season gets underway.

For an example, check out the second goal of last Wednesday’s Edmonton game (starts at 1:03). The offensive effort was brilliant. Commodore comes out of the box, joins the rush, and several dizzying passes later, Brassard wrists it into the net. They looked like NHL veterans, but there were three rookies and three defensmen on the ice for that play.

Of course, when a team starts out at dead last in the standings, any rise defines “improvement.” But in the Jackets’ case, there does seem to be a bit of a fire brewing that was not there in early October.

Emo Portzline is emo

cbjlogonew.jpg…and you thought I was negative about the Buckeyes’ underachievements.

Portzline’s piece will make CBJ fans want to listen to Arcade Fire and cut themselves. He talks about his “friend” who has lost his interest in the Blue Jackets (ya sure, he’s your “friend,” Aaron).

For those who don’t know Portzline, he’s paid to cover the Blue Jackets. And yet the team chemistry is so terrible that he’s finding it hard to stay interested in them. Ouch.

In other news that reveals how abso-freakin-lutely desperate the team is, Rick Nash will be starting at center tonight. He hasn’t played center “since he was 10 or 11 years old.

Still, it wouldn’t be late October unless the Jackets were at the bottom of the standings. Silver lining viewpoint – at least there’s only one place to go when you’re at the bottom, right?

(No, I don’t mean ‘Toronto’.)

Peca update

cbjlogonew.jpgIn the Jackets’ opener against the Dallas Stars, center Michael Peca was tossed out of the game. The NHL has suspended Peca indefinitely for violation of Rule 41, Physical Abuse of the Officials, category 2.

So what’s Peca’s side of the story? Via the Dog-patch:

“The only contact was me grabbing his arm to slow him down,” Peca said, “because he was skating away and I wanted to plead my case.

“They’ve claiming I hit (a) linesman with my stick after I hit the glass with it, which is completely false.”

Peca was apoplectic at the fact that the officials not only saw him get slew-footed by Morrow on a 5-on-3 (video here, the event occurs at the 04:15 mark), but that they continued to ignore the infraction even though Morrow was the one who scored the goal immediately after, while Peca was scrambling to get up and back into position.

The FSN coverage did not capture Peca’s confrontation with the officials, but a Dallas fan’s video did:

You can see Peca arguing his case starting at the 1:15 mark (right after the vid goes blurry and comes back into focus again). The video is a bit blurry and jumpy after the goal, but if you watch Peca, you can clearly see him skate around behind the net and tug on the official’s jersey to get his attention. Only someone using his wildest imagination would perceive this as a violent act against the official.

Here’s the best frame grab I could pull off (again, you can see this better in the video at ~1:16):

Not as clear as FSN high-def, that’s for sure, but clear enough to see that Peca did not “hit a linesman with his stick.”

Here’s a frame from a moment later, when he had skated in front of the officials:

It’s blurry, but you can see from this picture that:

  • Peca is not near the glass, so his stick could not have “bounced” off the glass and into an official.
  • Peca’s stick is being held in his left hand, with the blade on the ice by his right foot. He also appears to be be pointing up with his right hand (perhaps as if to say, “check the replay!!”)
  • It actually appears that the official’s hand is making contact with Peca. FWIW.

I suddenly feel like I’ve gone all Zapruder on you, and I don’t want to come off as if I condone violence against officials (well, officials not named Kowal, anyway). But it’s a shame that this is the situation that the league is using to exemplify the ref-protection rules. It’s the definition of “ticky-tac.”

Had this been a minor penalty, or even a game misconduct, it wouldn’t have been that big a deal. But to accuse a player of hitting you with his stick — when it didn’t happen — just because you were irritated when he tugged on your shirt sleeve is dishonest at best and malicious at worst. Furthermore, attempting to enforce a 10 game suspension on him just wrong.

Peca has appealed the ruling, which will be heard this week. Here’s hoping he comes back soon – the Jackets have suffered a bit in his absence (especially on PK duty).

Jackets start the season with an OT victory

cbjlogonew.jpgCBJ 5, Dallas 4

Great way to start the season, folks. The Jackets totally owned the first period; the Stars the second; both teams shared the third. With 20 seconds left in OT, Nash takes a perfect pass from Chimmy and executes a mach 1 snapshot to get the two points.

Nail biter? Yes. But overall, it was a very positive performance from everyone, especially the new faces. Voracek got the first goal of the season, and Commodore was an absolute force on the blueline, with a couple of all-star hits (the worst of which was laid on that scumbucket Avery). I like Commodore… he’s deceptively big (6’5″, 228 lbs.). I’m looking forward to watching him this year.

Now, the bad news: the Jackets again struggled, going 0-fer on power plays again. Peca was given a 10 minute and a game misconduct for arguing with a (blind) official, who did not call a penalty when Peca was slew footed in front of the net on a Dallas 5 on 3. Peca attempted to get re-set, but was unable to get back into the defense before the puck went into the net.

But hey, the Jackets beat the Stars for only the second time in the last 19 tries, and did it in front of a hostile 100% capacity Stars crowd. The only reason the game was close was due to the Jackets’ mistakes of the second period, with three PKs back-to-back (including two 5 on 3s) and losing Peca. Those types of discipline issues are coachable, though. And while the new faces were establishing their identities, it was the veterans who stepped in when the team needed it most (OT).

Tomorrow Hitch will take a tired team to Phoenix, and hopefully to another road victory.

What to think?

cbjlogonew.jpgI avoided posting during the few days of craziness, in the hopes of avoiding over- or under-reacting to anything shocking that might have happened.

The drama started last weekend, when Duvie was put on waivers. I guess we saw this coming. Great attitude, but he never really reclaimed his status after the 2006 injury, so with the young ones of the future making waves behind and around him, this wasn’t much of a surprise.

Then Zhil-Bayer was handed his hat to make room for Rafael Torres, who’s only got one good ACL working. As long as he can get back to 100%, I get the sense that most feel this is an overall positive move.

Speaking of positive moves, Howson snagged Mike Commodore. We were hoping for a more offensive blueliner, but at least the club has spackled the hole left by Adam Foote.

…and then… just wow. At the risk of using an inappropriate metaphor, what the heck – this came out of freakin’ left field. The one thing the club desperately needs is goal scorers, and what a shock to see Nik – the #2 scorer last season – get shown the door. The fact that the team invested in him through the drama of the past couple of years seemed to indicate they were willing to be patient – I, personally, expected one more year before they cut strings. If you’ve read this site, you know I like Zherdev, and the cynic in me says that we are going to watch him grow into a talented veteran, but wearing another team’s sweater. Losing Fritsche was painful, too. He was a fan favorite for a reason. I can’t put my finger on it, but his impact was noticeable even if his stats weren’t; he played with energy and self-sacrifice.

Yeah, Huselius, that should help, but we wanted someone who could put up good numbers alongside people like Zherdev, not ‘in place of.’ We’ll see.

What we know now is that the club appears to be stacked with solid defensemen. There is still a hole left at center, and sadly, there are no notable top-notch centers left. Reports are indicating that Peca is being courted again, and that may help a little, but I can’t help wondering if this was part of the plan all along, or if something big was supposed to happen after Zherdev/Fritsche, but it fell through and Peca is Plan B.

Either way, my overall feeling on these moves is a bit melancholy. I guess a silver lining would be to consider an old hypothesis – that Columbus’s mediocrity has always been due to some form of self-fulfilling prophecy. Talent was never an issue, development and consistency were. Now that the team is so radically different than what it was just two years ago, perhaps it’s possible that this team will form a different overall attitude, and maybe won’t have the black cloud of lowered expectation following it around.

At least in the meantime, the Jackets have something they’ve never really had before – some commodities. If and when further adjustments are needed over the upcoming seasons, the team will actually have quite a few players that other teams may want or need. If they can’t land a franchise center this year, perhaps they’re setting themselves up to be in a better position to land that dream center next year.

And with that, I’ll bid a fond farewell to Nikolai Zherdev, with my favorite memory from his tenure here:

Nash gets the ‘C’

cbjlogonew.jpgnashcaptain.jpg

As expected, 23-year-old Rick Nash has been chosen as team captain for your Columbus Blue Jackets.

Rick is the fifth captain for the franchise, which has never seen a captain last more than three seasons.

It’s another in a string of ‘good long-term decisions that may not pay off right away,’ (something that Jackets fans are quite used to). Nash will have to grow into the role, but as we’ve seen, he’s been able to do everything asked of him so far. It’s a good move.

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