Negative Buckeye: Sort of Midseason Awards

by: Ryan Black

awesome photo courtesy: The Eddie Mauldin Show



Hey there jerks and complainers, it’s that time of week again. We’re in week 7 of a 14 week college football season and for some voodoo hogwarsh (as my dad would say it) reason the Buckeyes have already had two bye weeks. The only reason I made it through Saturday without scraping my tiny brains out was the fact that I was able to head downtown to see the Blue Jackets, who are pretty freaking fun to watch these days- Try not to dance

It could be worse though… Penn State is now on their second bye in three weeks while Bowling Green will go 18 days between games after this Saturday (that’s 432 hours or 1,522,200 seconds). Talk about Chinese water torture, sheesh. Another fact I dug up about the Bowling Green Falcons is they have one Saturday game left… for the rest of the year. Thank Tressel I’m a Buckeye for I could not ever deal with a Tuesday night game, let alone one every week.  I still don’t know how I’ll handle a labor day game to kick off next season against VA Tech.

I’ve been complaining all year about the things that really get my goat and I don’t plan on stopping. However, I’m ready to give back to this Buckeye team with my mid season awards.

Yes, Ohio State is only 41% through their season, but we are almost halfway through the entire NCAA season and one can only talk about another god-forsaken bye week so many times. Let’s give the best Buckeyes as of now, their due.

Here it is, the first ever MidSeason Ohio State Buckeye Awards (awards are named after my favorite people because I’m selfish):


The Footsteps Shane Falco Best Quarterback Award:

You think I’m going to say J.T. Barrett, and I am, it’s J.T. Barrett.


The Petey Jones Top Running Back Guy:

It appeared as Curtis Samuel was poised to win this coveted prize but then Ezekiel Elliot was like, “Nuh Uh (I bet you read this in Monique’s voice)”. The winner is Ezekiel.


The Tweeder from Varsity Blues Best WR Bro:

Michael Thomas has become the top target on this team for the first half and I’m sure he’s happy to earn this award, but hopefully not the S.T.D.’s of Tweeder.


The Workaholic’s Top Tight Butt Ho… I Mean Tight End Award:

Jeff Heuerman has been injured for most of the games so far and Nick Vannett has been an outstanding blocker as a replacement. Also added on 8 catches and a touchdown, the winner is Nick.


The Tyson Walter Knock Out Offensive Lineman of the Year:

You young bucks may not get this reference but that’s cool. In Cooper’s last year, LeCharles Bentley knocked out fellow lineman Tyson Walter during practice; no big deal. Taylor Decker has been outstanding so far as the only returning starter on the offensive line, save a few false starts, so he will win this illustrious fat guy award. Hope Ohio State can keep him for one more year.


The Joey Bosa Most Dreamy Defensive Lineman:

Joey Bosa.


The Bobby Boucher Linebacker Who Opens Can’s of Whoop Ass Champ:

Darron Lee is a dog among men. He certainly reminds me of a smaller Ryan Shazier.


The Antoine Winfield “I’ll Name My Cat After You” Defensive Back:

When I was just a boy, I was given the privilege  of naming the family cat. I chose Winfield because, hell, Antoine was bad ass. My cat Winfield may die soon, so I am in need of a new one.

This year goes to Doran Grant.  He had one fudge up against Cincy but he has been very consistent at shutting down is side of the field. And I think Grant is a very classy name for a feline friend.

and finally…


The Larry David God of the Year:

Larry David is the only non Buckeye I will put on a Jim Tressel “lord like” level. He’s my idol and he will take issue with anything or anyone. So who better to name the MVP award of the first half after than the “social assassin”? I’m going with a cop out and am picking two winners, don’t yell at me.


And the winners are….





Joey Bosa’s parents. These two created the perfect human and without them there would be no reason to wake up in the morning.



I wanted to go really in depth with this post and do my “first and second team” all Buckeyes but then I realized that would just be the depth chart….


Whatever, see you next Tuesday.












  1. Mentions of Bobby Boucher, Antoine Winfield and Tyson Walter getting knocked out in one post? I think you are the embodiment of my Buckeye psyche. That’s impressive!

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