You’ve probably heard by now that the Michigan bloggers (and fans) are bailing off the Big Ten Bandwagon to shack up with the Gators from the Dirty South, leaving their Big Ten brethren high and dry. We understand they’re still stinging from the brutal drubbings they received from two of the better teams in the country. We know that not beating Ohio State in the last three tries really hurts. And we know it’s going to absolutely KILL THEM to see Troy Smith and Sweatervest hoist the crystal pigskin over their heads in exultation after the dismantling of the Gators. But, guys, can’t we, for three hours on Monday, be friends? Some of our best players are from Michigan (see: Vernon – Gholston’s – Arms). But we understand if it hurts too much. We’ve been there.
(A side note to Wolverine Nation: You think 1-5 hurts? You’d still have to lose another five more before you reach the bottomless pit that OSU fans endured during the Cooper era. So trust us, it can get much, much worse than this.)
So Michigan refuses to be on board, out of spite. So be it. If Michigan fans want to cozy up with the Flavor-of-the-Month, that’s their choice. But who is going to stand with us? Buckeye Nation doesn’t have many friends. We’re mercilessly ridiculed and no one comes to our defense. We’re accused of wrongdoing and crimes against humanity for simply loving our team. Sure, a few Buckeye fans are cavemen, but let me assure you, we’re not all powdered doughnut-winging freaks. So who’s it going to be?
Come on Notre Dame fans! We know there’s no love lost between us, but your enemy’s enemy is your friend, right? That 2005 soap opera between Shrek and Donkey AJ Hawk and Laura Quinn did nothing but give tons of extra media attention to Brady. It was a year ago since the Fiesta Bowl. We can put that behind us now, right? Surely the Michigan game stung more, right? Come join us break the hearts of thousands of Wolverine fans. It’ll be fun!
Where’s the rest of the Big Ten? Don’t leave us hanging. Wisconsin, what say you? You’re the only Big Ten team that totally owns Tressel. Cheer us on, so that we can make sure two Big Ten teams end up in the top five of the BCS standings. This is our league, our legacy. Penn State, we gave your coach his record-setting victory a couple of years ago, and your victory over OSU helped you to finish #2 in 2005. Plus, we gave him a place to change his shorts in his moment of most dire need. Let’s give it up!
We are the Big Ten. OSU’s continued presence in the BCS system is bringing home a crapload of money for all of us to share. Together we stand. We were rooting for you in your time of need, now it’s time to join in the good fight. If Michigan really wants OSU to lose that badly, then maybe we can kick them out and invite West Virginia to join us or something. Enough with Canada’s Alabama anyway, right?
As Rob Van Winkle once said, “drop the zero and get with the hero!”


Thanks, Southern Cal. Thanks a lot. So much for your eight-Pete (or whatever “-Pete” you were on). Way to go and screw it all up.
I figured I’d do a little live blog of the Buckeyes game. I’ll update this post periodically throughout the game.
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