Oh, how awesome.

This week’s SI cover:

H/T to The Penalty Kill

There is absolutely no chance that the BCS and every other conference in the NCAA will allow the Big 10 to have both teams in the game. There are 42 million reasons for this not to happen. That is the approximate payout for the two teams that play in the NC game, which tOSU and scUM would have to share with the rest of the Big 10. That would take money away from another conference and/or team. If there is one thing I have learned in my 21+ years of being a college football fan, it is that it is all just a business… No one will allow this to happen unless every other contender loses again.

Less than 24 hours after the “real” national title game, sportswriters are already clamoring for an OSU/UM rematch in Glendale. Clearly, they’re just upset that UM lost.

Some Michigan players are hoping for it, too. A classless Mike Hart said:

“I guarantee if we play them again it would be a whole different game… We should have got them the first time.

“It hurts. Whenever you don’t beat Ohio State it hurts. I’ve got one year left and I’m going to get it this year.

“We knew we could run all day on that defense. It ain’t nothing special.”

There’s no need to mock UM’s ‘vaunted’ defense. The numbers speak for themselves: Ohio State’s O-line totally owned the line of scrimmage. But let’s put Hart’s comments in perspective… Michigan was given every opportunity in the world to win this game, and failed to do it. Every break in the game went Michigan’s way, every bounce of the ball and every questionable penalty. Consider just a few opportunities given to UM:

OSU gift wrapping three turnovers for the UM defense (one was created by PI, but not called). Result: 10 points

A phantom PI call on third-and-long, giving UM a first down. Any other place in the country, Michigan would have punted. In the Big Ten, UM gets an automatic first down. After that egregious call, Michigan managed a TD.

A never-before-in-history-called penalty for “roughing the snapper” on a punt attempt. I don’t care who you are, or what team you pull for – that was a disgusting call.

In short, 24 of Michigan’s points came from the breaks that fell its way (including up to 17 points from breaks given to them from the officiating crew alone).

So here you are, the number two team in the country, given every single advantage you could possibly have. You have the intangible motivation from losing a legend in your program the day before, giving your players something to rally around. All the balls bounce your way. All the calls are going your way. You enjoy a +3 turnover margin. Your offense is firing on all cylinders, performing better than it has all year. And you have the best defense in the country, in fact, the best defense in the history of your school’s fine tradition.

Yet you still get soundly beaten in every statistical category.

Pittman runs for a 56-yard TD against a UM defense that only allows 29 total yards per game

Some analysts are saying that “the game was closer than the score showed.” I disagree. I think the “game wasn’t anywhere near as close as the score showed.” At no time was Michigan ever in control of the game. Again, subtract anywhere from 17 to 24 points from UM’s 39-point total, and that’s actually how well Michigan “played” on Saturday.

But enough about the game. Why doesn’t UM deserve a do-over?

1. It’s unfair to OSU. Just because the media doesn’t like the outcome of Saturday’s game, doesn’t mean they get to whine and stamp their feet until they get what they want. And, as Keith at Buckeye Commentary eloquently points out, OSU doesn’t need to, nor should be requested to, validate its victory against Michigan in the BCS title game.

   For both teams, the title was played for on Saturday, November 18th. The winner earned the right to advance. Does it seem fair that the loser should earn that same right?
    

2. It’s unfair to Michigan. If UM plays OSU in Glendale, it’s a lose-lose situation for UM. A consensus title is only possible for OSU. If the Wolverines were to win, the AP would probably vote OSU #1 afterwards, splitting the title. If the Wolverines were to lose that game, it would leave the rest of the country wondering if USC, Florida, etc. could have done better. Not to mention that Carr would probably lose his job.
    
3. It’s unfair to the other one-loss teams who deserve the same shot that UM got this weekend. Pundits claim that, “hey, Michigan’s only loss was to the #1 team.” That’s an illogical way to think, and compares apples to oranges. If OSU and USC play in Glendale, and OSU loses, could the fans say, “Hey! OSU’s only loss was to the national champion Trojans! So we should get another shot!” Ridiculous. Where does it stop? Best two-out-of-three? Four of seven? Are we heading towards a “World Series” approach to college football titles?

   Besides, how could anyone think it is fair to leapfrog UM, who didn’t even win its conference, over a one-loss Pac10 or SEC conference champion? Especially when the Big 10 isn’t, shall we say, “anything to write home about” this year.
    

4. It’s unfair to fans, for reasons that are patently obvious. A BCS national title game between OSU and UM would alienate and anger millions of college football fans. A matchup would be bad for college football as a whole.
    
5. Michigan will probably be the favorite to win the title next year. With a bowl win (or even a close bowl loss), UM will undoubtedly be preseason #1 in 2007. With its fantastic offense & defense largely returning, and all its big games next year at home, UM has a chance to go wire-to-wire as the BCS title favorite. Hart will no doubt be the Heisman favorite. Tell me, how awesome would it be for the Big Ten to win back-to-back Heismans and national titles? Let OSU have the title shot it has earned, and let UM start putting eggs in its basket for next year.

Congratulations to OSU and Michigan on a great season. Fans of both teams should wish OSU well in Glendale, and UM well in Pasadena.

Pictures credit & copyright: Jim Davidson at the O-Zone.

Crable and Burgess pwned by OSU line for Pittman’s winning TD in 2005:

Today’s “Memories” comes complete with bonus pic goodness; no explanation required:

Awww… Crable wiping away tears after OSU/UM 2005. Sniff.

Heaven has no brighter star than our next stellar guest,
that omnipotent master of the east and former manicurist to Howard Hughes,

Tressnac the Magnificent!

 

Thank you, oh fine second banana.

Welcome once again, O Great Sage… I hold in my hand these envelopes. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. They’ve been kept in a #2 mayonnaise jar since noon today on Funk and Wagnall’s porch. No one knows the contents of these envelopes, but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these questions having never seen them before!!

Thank you, yes. May I have the first envelope, please. Thank you. I must now have absolute silence…

Silence!

 

The answer is… An Ohio recruit.

 

An Ohio recruit.

 

*rip*blow*open* What do you call a talented Michigan football player?

 

HAUGH!

 

May your blue-chipper recruit be given a $100 handshake by Charles Woodson’s booster during a NCAA luncheon.

 

Another envelope, please. The answer is… Marijuana, crack, and the Michigan Wolverines.

 

Marijuana, crack, and the Michigan Wolverines.

 

*rip*blow*open* Name three things that get smoked in bowls.

 

HAUGH!

 

 

More silence, please.

 

Silence!

 

The answer is… A Lloyd.

 

A Lloyd.

 

*rip*blow*open* What kind of car does Tressnac the Magnificent own?

 

HAU – Hey, now you’re starting to go overboard.

 

May you return to your office to discover John L. Smith measuring for drapes.

 

Here’s another, sir.

 

Yes, thank you. The answer is… A box of detergent, hot water, and four cups of bleach.

 

A box of detergent, hot water, and four cups of bleach.

 

*rip*blow*open* What’s the best way to wash a blue ‘Block M’ sweatshirt?

 

HAU – Hey, I have several of those. Do you really think it would work?

 

Yes, it will work perfectly. And may your unmarried daughter announce she is gestating the spawn of Maurice Clarett.

 

I now hold in my hand the final envelope.

 

The final envelope?

 

The final one. Here you go.

 

Hmmm… The answer is… Father, Aunt Patricia, and Chad Henne.

 

Father, Aunt Patricia, and Chad Henne.

 

*rip*blow*open* Name a Daddy, a Patty, and a Fatty.

 

HAUGH! Ladies and Gentlemen, Tressnac the Magnificent!

 

The Game of the Century is over. OSU has won 28-20.

The Bucks went up 21-10 by halftime, then allowed UM to pull within a point before crushing the Wolverines with a late TD.

Troy Smith threw for 273 yards and 3 touchdowns (2 to Gonzalez and one to Ginn).

Let the celebration commence!

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