Tressnac the Magnificent – UM edition

carrHeaven has no brighter star than our next stellar guest,
that omnipotent master of the east and former manicurist to Howard Hughes,

Tressnac the Magnificent!


Thank you, oh fine second banana.

carrMcMahonIcon.jpg Welcome once again, O Great Sage… I hold in my hand these envelopes. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. They’ve been kept in a #2 mayonnaise jar since noon today on Funk and Wagnall’s porch. No one knows the contents of these envelopes, but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these questions having never seen them before!!

Tressnac envelope
Thank you, yes. May I have the first envelope, please. Thank you. I must now have absolute silence…

carrMcMahonIcon.jpg Silence!


tressnacIcon.jpg The answer is… An Ohio recruit.


carrMcMahonIcon.jpg An Ohio recruit.


tressnacIcon.jpg *rip*blow*open* What do you call a talented Michigan football player?


carrMcMahonIcon.jpg HAUGH!


May your blue-chipper recruit be given a $100 handshake by Charles Woodson’s booster during a NCAA luncheon.


tressnacIcon.jpg Another envelope, please. The answer is… Marijuana, crack, and the Michigan Wolverines.


carrMcMahonIcon.jpg Marijuana, crack, and the Michigan Wolverines.


tressnacIcon.jpg *rip*blow*open* Name three things that get smoked in bowls.


carrMcMahonIcon.jpg HAUGH!



tressnacIcon.jpg More silence, please.


carrMcMahonIcon.jpg Silence!


tressnacIcon.jpg The answer is… A Lloyd.


carrMcMahonIcon.jpg A Lloyd.


tressnacIcon.jpg *rip*blow*open* What kind of car does Tressnac the Magnificent own?


carrMcMahonIcon.jpg HAUHey, now you’re starting to go overboard.


May you return to your office to discover John L. Smith measuring for drapes.


carrMcMahonIcon.jpg Here’s another, sir.


tressnacIcon.jpg Yes, thank you. The answer is… A box of detergent, hot water, and four cups of bleach.


carrMcMahonIcon.jpg A box of detergent, hot water, and four cups of bleach.


tressnacIcon.jpg *rip*blow*open* What’s the best way to wash a blue ‘Block M’ sweatshirt?


carrMcMahonIcon.jpg HAU – Hey, I have several of those. Do you really think it would work?


Yes, it will work perfectly. And may your unmarried daughter announce she is gestating the spawn of Maurice Clarett.


carrMcMahonIcon.jpg I now hold in my hand the final envelope.


tressnacIcon.jpg The final envelope?


carrMcMahonIcon.jpg The final one. Here you go.


tressnacIcon.jpg Hmmm… The answer is… Father, Aunt Patricia, and Chad Henne.


carrMcMahonIcon.jpg Father, Aunt Patricia, and Chad Henne.


tressnacIcon.jpg *rip*blow*open* Name a Daddy, a Patty, and a Fatty.


carrMcMahonIcon.jpg HAUGH! Ladies and Gentlemen, Tressnac the Magnificent!



  1. So, so proud.

  2. Good stuff, once again.

  3. Very impressive. How did he know the answers before he saw the questions? He got every one of them right too! I bet I could catch how he does it if I saw him live.


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