It must be hard to be dumb and a pundit. Self-assurance is a job requirement. Sure, they’ll call themselves “analysts” but they’re really pundits. Critics. Mouth-breathers. Uneducated has-beens. Call them what you want, but if they’re criticizing your team, they are the anti-Christ. You hate them and we hate them. Alberts and May made their careers playing the heels during the 2002 season. You know the drill.
We, on the other hand, are fans. It’s a lot easier to be a fan. We have a stake (albeit small) in every game our team plays and everything our teams do. But when our team isn’t playing, we’re able to look at a particular match up and take it for what it is — a great college football game. Sure, you have your secondary affinities, but when they lose it’s really no big deal. More often than not, you want to see a particular team lose. So it’s easy to pick a side and root for a team that has no bearing on your season. You do it during the bowl season while you’re waiting for your team’s turn. And you might be watching Michigan punk Florida or West Virginia run wild on Oklahoma and think, “those ESPN talking heads are complete idiots. They don’t have a clue what’s going to happen.” You can’t predict emotion. Just once I’d love to hear Mark May say, “I could be mistaken, but I really think Oklahoma is going to win.” Not “West Virginia doesn’t have a chance! They don’t even belong on the same field.” Get that low-rent garbage out of here.
I’m not saying I predicted a West Virginia victory. Heck, I thought Oklahoma was going to kill them. I watched the Big 12 championship game where OU looked invincible. I watched the Backyard Brawl where West Virginia looked like garbage. I really thought this was a mismatch. But I was never foolish enough to declare with such brash surety that Oklahoma the Fiesta Bowl champs before the game. These motor-mouths, on the other hand, have no problem. It’s sickening.
So that brings us to Ohio State. Hopefully you’ve seen the video that Tressel sent home with his players, with morons like Alberts and May and Mariotti dogging the Buckeyes to no end. No respect. Colin “Shrutebag” Cowherd had the audacity to say (paraphrased) that “when we’re talking bad about your team, you should be grateful for us! Your coaches use it to motivate your team! You should be thanking us!” The conceit is staggering! But people are listening and watching.
In the end, it’s nothing but wasted oxygen. It will fall on deaf ears for those “who know.” Unfortunately, the WWL and other media outlets are able to sway public opinion. Witness the speed myth. It no longer applies to the SEC. It’s now the team that wins. Do you really think West Virginia has more team speed than Oklahoma? I certainly don’t. But read any article tomorrow and I guarantee that will be the overriding theme. That, or Owen Schmitt’s creepy eyes. I’m going with unbelievably ludicrous speed.
So next time you hear one of these intellectual gnomes say that Ohio State (or LSU, for that matter) “backed in to the Bourbon Bowl,” just smile inwardly and think, “it’s such a shame these guys get paid for being an idiot when I can do it so much better for free.”