Presented, always, without comment. But not without emoticons: :/

As always, stats are grabbed from cfbstats.com.

The incomparable Phil Steele has posted his predictions for this week’s Top 25 contests and one particular stat jumps right off the screen:

That’s right, either one of the North Coast keyboards needs an airblast in the numberpad or the world’s foremost college football analyst thinks the Buckeyes are going to drop bombs on the Badgers like the Gap Band.  (Don’t hold the Points column against him, Phil is actually picking a 24-23 OSU upset.)

Yakety Sax + Marcia Brady getting hit in the nose = Joe Bauserman in a nutshell.

H/T to the Buckeye Blog.

Three yards and a cloud of BOOM!

The Ohio State Buckeyes hunkered down and punched the Illinois defense in the face. Illinois took 51 shots to the face, gut and kidneys to a tune of 211 yards. Coming into the game Illinois had the 9th ranked rush defense in the country. It was a battle of wills and the Buckeyes won it. Herron had 114 yards rushing and a touchdown. Hall backed up Herron and added 56 of his own.

The backbreaking score came from Jake Stoneburner on a strike thrown by Braxton Miller. Miller only threw the ball 4 times, completing only one pass, but it was a big one. On 3rd and 5 Miller used playaction and hit Stoneburner in the middle of the end zone for a 17 yard touchdown.

The Ohio State defense, like the running game also came to play. Coming into the game Illinois used a balanced attack and scored an average of 34 points per game. After watching the OSU defense implode last week vs. Nebraska it was great to see them play a complete game against a potent offense. John Simon and Jonathon Hankins DOMINATED all day long and combined for 17 tackles, 6 tackles for loss and 2 sacks.

Ohio State held Illinois to under 300 yards of total offense. Coming into the game Illinois was averaging well over 400 yards per game. Illinois all world wide receiver was held scoreless and only muster 80 yards on 8 catches. Jenkins was also responsible for a drive stalling fumble. That fumble set up the Miller touchdown pass. Scheelhaase lead Illinois with 49 yards rushing, the rest of the ball carriers for Illinois were each held under 35 yards rushing.

Bradley Roby and Travis Howard had picks and Roby’s theft help set up Boom’s first touchdown this year. This was a much needed win vs. a rival on the road against a pretty good football team in Illinois. This should give Ohio State a much needed emotional boost going into their bye week in preparation for a primetime home game vs. hated Wisconsin.

Join us around 3:15 PM EDT for the live-in game chat where we’ll inevitably hurl four-letter words (not me, of course) at Jim Bollman, his Walrusball ineptitude and, if it comes to it, at B-deck Bauserman.

PLEASE don’t let it come to that.

This is what the first half of the year has felt like for Ohio State players, coaches and fans:

Ohio State has been very average this year. There is no other way to put it. There is plenty of blame to go around. From interim head coach Luke Fickell to offensive guru (cough, cough) Jim Bollman to bright red ginger Joe Bauserman. For me the biggest reason for OSU’s struggles thus far has been this:

RB Jordan Hall
RB Boom Herron
WR Corey Brown
WR DeVier Posey
OL Mike Adams
OL Corey Linsley
OL Antonio Underwood
DL Chase Farris
DL Solomon Thomas
DL Nathan Williams
DL Melvin Fellows
LB Scott McVey
LB Conner Crowell
DB Corey Brown
DB Travis Howard
DB Donnie Evege
QB Terrelle Pryor
WR James Jackson
WR James Louis
LB Ejuan Price
LB Dorian Bell
LB Jonathan Newsome

That is 21 players that have been suspended, injured, transferred or booted off the team. That is a TON of talent not to have. The coaches have certainly had their issues and will most likely be replaced, but this year’s Ohio State football team simply put has a lack of talent…at least compared to most years. That is an average of 3.95 stars per player when they were being recruited, folks…that’s a lot of talent and a big reason why OSU is struggling.

Not only is this team lacking a huge amount of talent, it’s got to be mentally drained after going through the offseason from hell that has bled into the season with the continuing onslaught of off the field treats the OSU players continue handing out. It has also lost its legendary coach and is dealing with the everyday incompetence of an offensive coordinator who doesn’t seem to have a clue out there.

I have stolen this secret OSU offensive weapon from deep within the bowels of the interweb…this is what Bollman uses to call his plays:

However this week we will finally be able to watch Boom Herron run the “Dave” series as he makes his return after a 6 game suspension. Oddly enough it was his game last year vs. Illinois that catapulted Herron into being OSU’s work horse. Herron scored 16 TD’s last year and ran for over 1000 yards. Herron, Hyde and Hall will carry the offense with a wounded Braxton Miller likely to start. Reports have Miller getting all the action with the 1’s and apparently he is not limited physically. I can’t see Ohio State running Miller too often due to his injured ankle. We may see Miller use some play action off runs he has typically made this year and look for a couple shots deep.

Make no mistake…OSU will try to establish the run on Saturday. If not…there always this guy:

On to Illinois…

They have a pretty good squad this year. They are 6-0 for the first time in like 2000 years or something. Nathan Scheelhaus has been outstanding in his sophomore season and is running a spread option attack to the tune of 34 points per game. He runs and throws well and has a big-time playmaker at wide receiver in A.J. Jenkins who has 7 touchdowns already this year. Three backs split carries along with Scheelhaas to form an effective option attack. Something OSU struggled with vs. Nebraska in the 2nd half.

Defensively I expect Illinois to follow the MSU model of blitzing the hell out of OSU QB’s, whoever they may be. Nebraska didn’t really pressure OSU at all, especially in the 1st half and nearly got blown out of their own building. I don’t see Illinois following that model.

For me this comes down to two things: Will Braxton Miller play and will he be able to use is very gifted legs. I’d also love to see him throw a few more times than 8 through 3 quarters. If Miller can make a couple plays with his legs, a couple plays with his arm and stay healthy I think OSU can win this game. I also can’t wait to see what Boom Herron does. Will he be rusty or will he carry the load vs. Illinois 9th ranked rush defense?

Oh yeah…and they are playing for this thing:

Prediction:

Illinois: 30
OSU: 24

Until the coaching staff can show they have a full game in them, I don’t trust’em…and I don’t think the players are far behind me…

It’s the October 14th edition of “OSU Suspension Friday!!”

Via BuckeyeExtra:

At this point the team is starting to resemble a clown car of endless suspensions…

Presented, always, without comment.

As always, stats are grabbed from cfbstats.com.

With four minutes and forty-six seconds to go in the third quarter Saturday night, Ohio State was up 27-13 against Nebraska.  The game was almost exactly two-thirds over when starting QB Braxton Miller went down with an ankle injury.  For no readily discernible reason, Joe Bauserman was still considered the next best option and suddenly, the game was turned upside-down.

Don’t worry, People Who Are Concerned About The Fragile Emotions Of A 26-Year-Old, this isn’t about Bauserman.  Yes, he is completely ineffective as a quarterback, striking fear in no one besides the sideline photographers and random passers-by who find themselves dodging, Neo-style, his weapons of mass incompletion.

No, this is about the remarkably bad play-calling put in place in Miller’s absence.  Play-calling that was even more maddening in light of the downright inspired gameplan up until that point.

This is about 99% of the offense being controlled by 1% of the coaching staff’s brain power.

This is Occupy Walrusball.

Now, you may be tempted to blame the defense for the poor tackling and bad coverage that fed Nebraska’s furious comeback.  And that’s valid; the D certainly had their fair share of missed opportunities.  But when you look at that nightmare sequence again, you’ll see that Ohio State had three consecutive drives that each took just a minute or less off the clock in the fourth quarter.  Two of those drives occurred when the Buckeyes either had the lead or were tied.

With 11:35 remaining in the game and a 27-20 lead, Jim Bollman called a drive in which Bauserman (who was 1-5 for 13 yards at that point) threw the ball twice, including on first down.  The running back on that drive was Jordan Hall, despite the fact that Carlos Hyde had been far more effective the entire game and already had a huge TD run under his belt.  Hall gained 2 yards on second down.

Had Bollman done what first-year Husker OC Tim Beck did when his team finally took the lead and ran the ball on every play, he could have at the very least run an extra two minutes (give or take, depending on actual snap time and play duration) off of the game clock.  If it’s Carlos Hyde doing the running, then it’s a safe bet that he even converts a first down or two (his first rush on the next drive went for 12 yards, his next for 4, then Bauserman threw the pick) and the drive is extended further, perhaps even resulting in some points.  Even if we failed to score, it would have put a serious damper on Nebraska’s comeback, forcing them into more predictable play-calling.

It’s unfathomable to me that anyone with a two touchdown lead would be calling pass plays late in the game at all, let alone calling pass plays for a quarterback who lost his starting job because of ineffective passing.  How can any defense be expected perform to their potential with virtually no time to regroup or strategize?  How much more can we take?

What Is Our One Demand?

Fire. Bollman. Now.