Turn to the Dark Side, Buckeyes (Or: My Attempt to Draw a Little Fire From the Peanut Gallery Away From a Colleague)

All this hubbub regarding the Buckeyes has made me wonder lately if Oscar Wilde was correct when he said “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.” I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that most of us would much prefer that OSU wasn’t being talked about so much right now, but what’re you gonna do? We know Tressel screwed up. We suspect something shady with this car business – although a used car dealership’s alleged shadiness has got to be one of the least surprising things to come out of all this garbage lately.

Personally (and I guess that’s a good caveat for OSU writers to add to every one of their posts, lest fans of other schools get offended and decide to use one person’s words to castigate an entire fanbase) I hope the truth comes out and if the consequences for that are harsh, so be it. Bad news does not get better with time. Treat it like a band-aid and just RIP IT OFF ALREADY!

That having been said, a lot of schools have been having a lot of fun at our expense over the last few months. Justified fun, to an extent, but fun nonetheless. Come on, it’s not like we didn’t join in with the world outside of USC (and ESPN) giggling a bit when they finally got hammered for the Reggie Bush-O.J. Mayo deal. It comes with the territory when you’re dominant. I was actually somewhat pleased – Tom Brady’s involvement notwithstanding – in 2002 when the Patriots beat the Rams in the Super Bowl – they’d been a pathetic franchise my entire life. Now of course, I hate them and so do most people outside of Massachusetts. Why? Because they’re dominant. Also, THEY CHEATED!!!

Which brings me finally to the point. Remember what the Patriots did the season that Spygate came out? Here are three things that are most relevant to this discussion:

  1. They got punished, not harshly enough in the eyes of many.
  2. They lost the Super Bowl.
  3. On the way to the Super Bowl they pretty much annihilated everything in their path.

The last part is particularly vivid in my memory. They didn’t just beat their opponents. Once an opponent was beaten, they beat them a little more. It was like watching myself playing Tecmo Super Bowl with the Raiders against, well, the Patriots, only it happened almost every game!

And I hated them for it.

Here’s the thing: I would have hated those Patriots anyway. I was convinced they were a bunch of cheaters, they only won those three Super Bowls by spying on the other sidelines, Bill Belichick was the son of Lucifer, you name it. But I bet Patriot fans freaking LOVED IT. Remember the first half of the 1996, 1997, and 1998 seasons when OSU was beating teams 72-0? Good times, right?Mercy is for the weak

Speaking only from my perspective as an Ohio State football fan, I would enjoy a season in which Tressel grew a goatee, dyed his hair black, started wearing sweater vests with no undershirt in order to show off some (questionably acquired) prison tats, and started throwing deep in the third quarter when up by 50. A man stands before you – he is the enemy. An enemy deserves no mercy. Sweep the leg. I want them out of commission.

Screw it – things will stay this way no matter what happens. Tressel could resign tomorrow, the athletic department could voluntarily dissolve itself and all OSU sports teams for five years and people will still hate us. We may as well have a little fun with it while we can.


  1. Jay Roubini says

    @Ninja dude~one word, Hilarious!!!!!

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