Who will stand with us?

OSU FootballYou’ve probably heard by now that the Michigan bloggers (and fans) are bailing off the Big Ten Bandwagon to shack up with the Gators from the Dirty South, leaving their Big Ten brethren high and dry. We understand they’re still stinging from the brutal drubbings they received from two of the better teams in the country. We know that not beating Ohio State in the last three tries really hurts. And we know it’s going to absolutely KILL THEM to see Troy Smith and Sweatervest hoist the crystal pigskin over their heads in exultation after the dismantling of the Gators. But, guys, can’t we, for three hours on Monday, be friends? Some of our best players are from Michigan (see: VernonGholston’sArms). But we understand if it hurts too much. We’ve been there.

(A side note to Wolverine Nation: You think 1-5 hurts? You’d still have to lose another five more before you reach the bottomless pit that OSU fans endured during the Cooper era. So trust us, it can get much, much worse than this.)

So Michigan refuses to be on board, out of spite. So be it. If Michigan fans want to cozy up with the Flavor-of-the-Month, that’s their choice. But who is going to stand with us? Buckeye Nation doesn’t have many friends. We’re mercilessly ridiculed and no one comes to our defense. We’re accused of wrongdoing and crimes against humanity for simply loving our team. Sure, a few Buckeye fans are cavemen, but let me assure you, we’re not all powdered doughnut-winging freaks. So who’s it going to be?

Come on Notre Dame fans! We know there’s no love lost between us, but your enemy’s enemy is your friend, right? That 2005 soap opera between Shrek and Donkey AJ Hawk and Laura Quinn did nothing but give tons of extra media attention to Brady. It was a year ago since the Fiesta Bowl. We can put that behind us now, right? Surely the Michigan game stung more, right? Come join us break the hearts of thousands of Wolverine fans. It’ll be fun!

Where’s the rest of the Big Ten? Don’t leave us hanging. Wisconsin, what say you? You’re the only Big Ten team that totally owns Tressel. Cheer us on, so that we can make sure two Big Ten teams end up in the top five of the BCS standings. This is our league, our legacy. Penn State, we gave your coach his record-setting victory a couple of years ago, and your victory over OSU helped you to finish #2 in 2005. Plus, we gave him a place to change his shorts in his moment of most dire need. Let’s give it up!

We are the Big Ten. OSU’s continued presence in the BCS system is bringing home a crapload of money for all of us to share. Together we stand. We were rooting for you in your time of need, now it’s time to join in the good fight. If Michigan really wants OSU to lose that badly, then maybe we can kick them out and invite West Virginia to join us or something. Enough with Canada’s Alabama anyway, right?

As Rob Van Winkle once said, “drop the zero and get with the hero!”

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Comments

  1. Just remember, if we’re Canada’s Alabama… you’re Canada’s Mexico!

  2. I swore after Michigan’s awful loss to Nebraska last year that I would never root for the Wolverines in a bowl game ever again. However, if there is a team that Buckeye fans have learned to hate almost as much, its the USC Trojans. Like an idiot I sided with Michigan (and the Big 10), and like an idiot, I was burned once again by those morons from up north. If OSU fans like me can find a way to root for you guys in bowl games, the least you can do is give us a little love against Florida!

  3. UM96 – LOL! Makes an earlier post of ours even more apropos:
    Border Security Strengthened (clicky)

    osunut, I know what you mean. However, I will initiate the apocalypse by siding with UM on the Nebraska loss last year… the worst officiated game in history. UM won that game, but the inept Sun Belt officials took it away from them.

  4. Seriously…I never ever pull for Michigan. I, living in Cincinnati, cannot even cheer for Chris Perry. I’ll pull Big 10 support for the other teams, but never Michigan. It is true that USC is a team that as time goes on takes on Notre Dame-esque hate from me, but even in that game I wasn’t looking for a tie.

  5. What’s hilarious to me is that these are the same bloggers from the “OMG Urban Cryer!!!!” crowd.

    Only one week ago, UM nation was seething with hatred for Urban Meyer and his “lobbying” for Florida. “OSU is gonna crush Urban Cryer and his crybabies!!!”

    Now, one week later, they’re rooting for him?!? And the only thing that happened was that they lost a bowl game? Nothing changed with Urban Meyer or Florida; they’re still the same team that UM hated a week ago, but now Florida “iz teh awesome and will beat O$U!!!!”

    Boy, if I ever descend into that level of childish fan-dom, just do me a favor and put me out of my misery immediately.

  6. There are three rules for deciding who you root for when your team is not playing.
    1. Always root against USC, UCLA, and Notre Dame.
    2. Root against teams with stupid gimmicks, like an idiotic blue field, stupid fake Indian mascots, stupid band uniforms, like USC, and really annoying fight songs, like Tinnuhsee
    3. Always, always root for the Big Ten.
    Michigan blogs going over to Florida are pansy assed losers. When USC beat the Bucks in the 1973 Rose Bowl, I learned at an early age that you never, ever root for them. So the Bucks stand up for UM against USC, and we got smacked around hard. This is what we get in return. For those guys, it’s Hoes before Bros.

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