Border security strengthened

bushLecture.jpgTOLEDO, Ohio – With 400 National Guard troops deployed to the Ohio/Michigan border, President Bush said that he has fulfilled his responsibility in keeping University of Michigan recruits from leaving the northern state.

“It is time to slow down the river of collegiate immigrants who leave the state without signing to Michigan,” Bush said at the outdoor ceremony, flanked by several large Buckeye trees. “And I call on Congress to work with the NCAA to reform the recruiting process.”

Bush enacted the order after a request from Ohio Governor Bob Taft, who spoke for several state governors who have been recently inundated with football players from the State of Michigan who want nothing to do with the state.

University of Michigan head football coach Lloyd Carr said, “I support this movement. It’s getting too hard to recruit people to UM anymore. They all want to go play for OSU or Notre Dame. These border agents should help our young men to remember their priorities.”

Bush agrees. “We have to take a stand. We know that, to these disadvantaged youths, Ohio and Indiana look like a dream come true. That’s why they come here. But the levees holding back the flow of recruits have been overtopped, and it’s time we got things under control.”

“And Brownie – er… Carr, you’re doing a heckuva job,” he added.


  1. They will just get fake ‘signing’ papers showing them to be Wolverines from the black market and claim to be leaving Michigan for vacation. It simply won’t work.

    On the other hand it may help the National Guard recruitment effort.

    P.S. The president’s last statement was probably just meant as a joke.

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