That’s right, ladies and gents, he’s back! After Trev and Mark May were reunited earlier this month on College Gameday’s preview, Trev has finally landed a new gig at CSTV. Mrs. Mark May seems to have settled in and has already suffered blunt trauma to his head. That can only explain how he could pump out such garbage. His words are a bright red cape, dangled before me, el Toro. Trev, el Matador, however, finds himself with no estoque, no blade to drive into my skull. So as he flashes the cape, I become enraged, coming to know a seething, fire-red hatred that only his trampling will quell. And so I must. I must trample. Doing my best to ape the guys at Fire Joe Morgan, I delve into the Madness of Trev. Let’s take a look, shall we?
(This is going to get long, the rest after the jump)
(Trev’s words are bolded. Mine aren’t. I hope this becomes apparent to everyone after reading for a couple seconds)
Wow, how refreshing is this!
It has been a long time since I’ve had a chance to comment on college football. I realize there are probably a few of you who really enjoyed the fact that Trev was nowhere to be found last year as I took a redshirt (actually a grey shirt; I had to pay my own way).
A few of us? Trev, you’re so modest. Actually, it’s more like the college football fan collective that enjoyed it, minus a handful of your fans. In fact, after you stopped showing up for work, a huge sigh was heard around the country. That noise you heard when you started typing this? The same people were groaning.
But I’m thrilled to be back. I’m so blessed that CSTV has given me the chance to work with some of the most passionate college football fans out there, and I promise to be the same egomaniacal, know-it-all analyst that you have come to hate.
Well that’s good to hear, because, honestly, if you showed a bit of humility and admitted you were wrong once and a while, pigs would be flying and we could probably recall all the troops in the middle east.
I promise that my analysis will go beyond the mundane and the obvious. Mundane and obvious analysis comes from people who have never played the game. Football is a great game, but just because you once covered a team for your local college rag or watched a lot of games does not make you an expert.
Stop right there! Never, ever, ever utter the words, “people who have never played the game,” again. Admitting you’re an egomaniac in the previous paragraph does not excuse this. It’s a road you don’t want to go down. It’s elitist and simply drips with contempt for millions of fans who fancy themselves “experts.” I doubt Peter Gammons could ever hit a 90-MPH fastball, but are you going to tell me John Kruk or Joe Morgan is more of a baseball expert than him? I would guess John Clayton has never run a post pattern in his life, but to say Mark Schlereth or Sean Salisbury can out-expert him is ludicrious. A couple pee-wee footballers know more about football than Salisbury.
So please, don’t say people who haven’t played the game don’t have a right to claim expertise. I played five years of high school football, does that count? I was, by all accounts, one heck of a long snapper. One bad snap in more than 150 tries. I was a serviceable defensive linemen. Does that earn me my expert card?
I think Trev tosses this phrase out for two reasons: one, he doesn’t want people to forget his illustrious career as a member of the Blackshirts. He was a good player, but he sure doesn’t want us to forget it. Two, I think he has a huge chip on his shoulder after becoming the biggest draft bust since, well since the Browns started drafting again in ’99. I’m a football player! Read my words, as they are gospel!
Again, Trev, promise us you’ll never type that again. If you feel like throwing it back in someone’s face, take a hammer out of your toolbox and smash your pinky until the fingernail turns purple. If you still feel like typing after that, go right ahead.
Analysis must be about more than simply saying a team is “making a statement” or commenting on how “athletic” a team is. True analysis takes courage. It takes grit and it takes work. That is what you are guaranteed with CSTV.
To take a look at some of that courage, we’ll go back to 2002 (you knew an Ohio State fan would be going back to that, didn’t you?). Would something like saying “On a nuetral field, Iowa beats Ohio State by 14” qualify as true analysis? Because that took a heck of a lot of courage to say. In fact, I doubt Kirk Ferentz could swallow that one. If I recall, the “superior” Hawkeyes got their cans kicked all over the place by USC. Or how about when you later said the Big Ten would go winless in their bowl games? Yeah, how’d that analysis work out for you? I believe the Big Ten when five-for-seven that year. Oh, and of course there’s that pesky Fiesta Bowl where both you and your loving partner gave Ohio State ZERO chance to win. But yeah, you keep making those gritty predictions!
What’s that? You’re about to make some predictions? Ohhh, can’t wait!
Enough with the self promotion! Let’s move on to mind-numbing ramblings from the off-season…
Is it just me or were there an awful lot of off-season arrests, suspensions, etc?
I just don’t buy the argument that increased media scrutiny is the reason for all the unrest. And it’s not just the usual suspects; many big-time programs have suspended players for really important contests. See Miami. The `Canes get Florida State on Labor Day. No Ryan Moore and no Tyrone Moss. I just don’t understand. These kids have so few opportunities and yet so many seem willing to squander them. Larry Coker’s job status depends on 18-year-old kids making proper choices. I guess that’s why top coaches make $2 million a year for coaching an amateur sport.
Yeah, it is sad to see a lot of crap happening around the college world. But I’m having trouble finishing those last couple sentences. The kids have so few opportunities? Huh? Was that a typo or something? Do you mean they have so few opportunities to screw up? So few opportunities to what, Trev? It seems to me that these kids are given one opportunity after another to prove themselves and a few of them squander them time and time again.
Speaking of amateurs, it seems as though these kids are less willing all the time to persevere at all. At such an early age they’re told how special they are. Many institutions will go as far as guaranteeing them playing time. And so, when adversity comes, many simply leave. I remember my recruiting class at Nebraska in 1989. We had nine players of the 22 that were signed either transfer or quit. Most were highly-touted All-Americans. They hadn’t had to work much in high school, so they were shocked when they found out they might have to earn something in college.
It seems that handling highly-touted incoming freshmen is one of the most demanding jobs that current head coaches have to deal with. I remember some very successful signings, and others that continue to haunt programs to this day.
Just get it over with and say his name. I know you love beating dead horses with their rigor mortised limbs. You can’t bring yourself to say his name? Here, let me. For everyone reading this article, this is Trev’s feeble attempt to resurrect the fresh spirit of [He Who Shall Not Be Named] and his “haunting” of the Ohio State football program.
This is too easy.
Take Tennessee, for example. Brent Schaeffer and Erik Ainge were both highly-touted incoming quarterbacks. Two years ago, the Vols rotated quarterbacks and never established a team leader. Last year, Rick Clausen was thrown into the rotation. The end result? Schaeffer is now at Ole Miss, Ainge’s development was retarded and Tennessee didn’t develop the most crucial element of all successful football teams: leadership. Coach Phil Fulmer vows not to let that happen again. Needless to say, this is a very important year for Fulmer.
Two other high-profile schools face the same situation this season. Arizona State has already had its quarterback choice blow up in coach Dirk Koetter’s face after he flip-flopped from Sam Keller to Rudy Carpenter. I really don’t care about any report of “off the field” issues with Keller. To name him the starter and change your mind the next day smacks of a coach who realized that having a senior transfer was better than having a sophomore transfer at that position.
Meanwhile, Texas has two very talented freshmen at quarterback, Colt McCoy and Jevan Snead. One must be the starter. One must be the backup. The latter can play, but he cannot be co-starter. Longhorns fans must hope that the whole Chris Simms-Major Applewhite issue doesn’t reinvent itself. Texas has enough talent to repeat, but not with rotating quarterbacks.
Not much to say here. Trev just took three paragraphs with examples that prove the exact same point — the quarterback position is important, and any uncertainty spells disaster. Wow.
It is very simple to me. Look at most Top 25 polls. Teams at the top have solid, entrenched leadership from the most important position in college football, quarterback.
Speaking of top teams, here is my Top 10. It must be noted, this initial list is simply the best 10 teams. I am not predicting how they will finish based on their schedules and opponents, just identifying the 10 best teams.
Okay this is were my brain started hurting and I blacked out. The wife had to wake me up and invite me to bed, but I declined, I had to trudge on. According to the title bar of my Opera browser window, the title of the page linked is, “The Return of Trev:: Alberts’ No. 1 isn’t Ohio State.” Wait a minute, he just said his list is simply the best 10 teams, that he’s not predicting how they will finish. So which is it? By his definition this should just be a list, no numbers attached. But the titles says… Ah screw it, we’ll just take it at face value and let Trev makes his list, numbers or not.
1. Auburn – The Tigers are loaded and new def. coordinator Will Muschamp is a stud.
You won’t get much of argument out of me here. I have Auburn #2 in my personal top 25, I think they’re going to be a great team if a few of the youngsters turn into the studs they’re touted to become. So far so good.
2. Michigan – Relax. The talent that you oooohed and aaaahed about two years ago is back.
Whoa whoa whoa. Talent we oooohed and aaaahed (that’s a lot of o’s and a’s, Trev!) two years ago? Well, I don’t remember oohing and aahing much (Zing!) but are we going to be that quick to forget last season? I think Michigan is going to field a good team this year, but #2? Oh wait, sorry, this isn’t a ranking. Right. so we’ll be generous at put them at 10.
3. LSU – Great skill players. Sept.16 at Auburn will tell the tale.
Again, no argument. Not going out a limb here, LSU will also be strong. They’ll lose to Auburn, but they’re still a top ten team.
4. Florida – If Urban can stay out of the way!
What does this mean? Stay out of the way of Chris Leak not running his offense correctly? My brain is starting to hurt again.
5. Ohio State – The only question is defense. Anyone better at reloading than Tressel?
If defense is the question, the answer is, “will surprise a lot of people.” They’re going to be good, Trev. Even you know that. And is anyone better than Tressel at reloading? As much as I love the sweatervest, I’d say, yeah, there is someone better than Tressel. Pete Carroll comes to mind. Tressel is a close second, but not the best.
6. USC – Best defense in the country.
Hmmm, this is going to be tough to prove. They definitely have one of the best linebackers in the country, but will they be tested enough to prove this? Time will tell on this one.
7. Notre Dame – Just play zone!!
Hate to drudge up the past again, but playing zone didn’t work out too well last time they tried it.
8. Texas – Just pick one QB, please.
Not much love for the defending National Champs. It will be important for Texas to stick with one QB, but why no love for your precious Big 12, Trev?
9. Georgia – Three all star running backs.
Mind boggling logic here. So Georgia has three great running backs. Last time I checked, only one gets to carry the ball at a time. That leaves two others on the sideline. Cheering. Or stewing over the lack of playing time. Maybe their going back to the T-formation? Clue me in here, because I got nothing.
10. West Virginia – Toughness defined.
And weakness. As in schedule. We’ll be revisiting this theme a lot, I think, because poor West Virginia just isn’t going to get a chance to prove itself beating up on the Big East.
Please note…once again the SEC is the best conference in football.
Too little, too late Trev. We’ll keep giving you chances, let’s see how many you squander.
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