Week 1: MotSaG B1G Pick ‘em and Tidbits

By: Phil Schoch, @osuphil95

Each week in this spot, we analyze college football’s desert numerology and make meticulous predictions (erratic guesses based on hunches) for each B1G match-up as well as a few national spotlight games.

Disclaimer: I am not an oracle, soothsayer or remote viewer. I am not a gamester or gambler. I am not wired into the degenerate underworld lairs of Las Vegas, Brent Musburger or slicksters promising Triple Platinum Locks of the Week. I do pay attention to the numbers and match-ups. I examine team motivation factors. BUT PLEASE, DO NOT search out your old freshman dorm pal, Louie the Book, or log into a remote island website to wager your personal assets based on anything written in this weekly post.

Around the B1G…

Thursday, September 3

Michigan

8:30

FS1

Vegas says… Utes -5.5

At Utah

This is the moment Ann Arbor has been waiting for – a man in tan pants will lead them. Although four years ago they were just as excited that a man in enormous pants would lead them.

Pick ’em says: The Utes pants the skunks. Ugly game, 20-16.

#2 TCU

9:00

 ESPN

 Vegas says… Frogs -14.5

At Minnesota

Year three is supposed to be Jerry Kill’s year. Not in in week one. The Goph’s don’t have nearly enough offense to hang with Heisman contender Treyvon Boykin’s high scoring offense.

Pick ’em says: The Frogs lick the Gophers and don’t get a buzz, 45-17.

Friday, September 4

#5 Michigan State

7:00

 ESPNU

Vegas says… Sparty -18.5

At Western Michigan

Sparty in Kalamazoo? Come on Michigan State! You’re a national contender, act like one! The only acceptable excuse for playing a MAC school in their stadium is if John L. Smith scheduled this nonsense fifteen years ago. Bah, it’s still not acceptable, but at least we’d understand.

Pick ’em says: Spartans, 48-17.

Kent State

9:00

 BTN

 Vegas says… Illinois -14.5

At Illinois

The Illini are an embarrassing mess. Them, Purdue and Indiana are why the B1G should be aligned with the MAC & AAC for a yearly relegation/promotion swap. Luckily for Illinois, Kent State should have been relegated to I-AA decades ago.

Pick ’em says: Illini opens its lame duck season with a victory, 27-10.

Saturday, September 5

#21 Stanford

12:00

ESPN 

Vegas says… Stanford -12

At Northwestern

A time honored Big 10/PAC 10 tradition. Big 10 team heads west to play a PAC 10 team with PAC 10 officials. PAC 10 team travels east to play a Big 10 team and it’s a 9:00 AM West Coast kickoff. Won’t matter today, both teams will be up and studying by 5:00 AM.

Pick ’em says: Dancing Trees, 27-13.

Richmond

12:00

 ESPNU

 Vegas says… Terps -19

At Maryland

The various incarnations of the Richmond Spider mascot will haunt your dreams. Don’t fall asleep turtle.

Pick ’em says: Closer than the experts think, 24-17 Maryland.

Norfolk State

 

12:00

 ESPNN

 Vegas says… Rutger -38

At Rutgers

 

These games are an embarrassment! B1G teams playing FCS teams and Rutgers playing games as a B1G team (oh yeah, they beat Michigan last season).

Pick ’em says: Rutgers gets the girl today, 45-10.

Illinois State

12:00

BTN

Vegas says… Iowa -9

At Iowa

Illinois State coach, Brock Spack [pronounced: Sp-yack] hy-as a ‘sty-ache like a ky-ap. Kirk Ferentz has a golden parachute like a Fortune 500 CEO. Single digit favorites over an FCS, Kirk? Shameful, Hawkeyes. Shameful.

Pick ’em says: “Whadya gonna do? Fire me? Ha.” Iowa 16-13.

Penn State

3:30

 ESPN

 Vegas says… Penn St -7

At Temple

Creepfest.

Pick ’em says: Don’t watch. Penn State, 24-14.

BYU

3:30

 ABC

Vegas says… Huskers -6.5

At Nebraska

From 1966 – 2012, legendary Minster (Ohio) resident, Paul ‘P.M.’ Stukenborg (pictured above) posted his weekly sports predictions in the hometown paper, The Community Post. Growing up in Minster, as a kid, I looked forward to P.M.’s Fearless Predictions. Contrary to popular belief, he did occasionally pick the Wildcats to lose. Each week, Pick ’em will make a P.M. Stukenborg Fearless Prediction and call for an underdog to to knock off the favorite.

Pick ’em says: I wish real Bo Pelini was erupting on the sidelines and fake Bo Pelini was Tweeting about this muddle. BYU, 31-27.

Southern Illinois

4:00

 ESPNN

Vegas says… Hoosiers -16

At Indiana

In my relegation system, this would be a match-up of longtime MAC rivals, Ah But Ain’t that America.

Pick ’em says: The John Cougar Hoosiers, 38-17.

#20 Wisconsin

8:00

At Dallas

ABC

 Vegas says… Bama -10

#3 Alabama

On opening night last season, the Badgers had LSU with one foot in the grave before voodoo priestess, Les Miles, concocted another wizardly escape job. This year Bucky gets The Nicktator. Looks like the Badgers are making up for the 90’s & 00’s and the cavalcade of cupcake non-conference W’s.

Pick ’em says: Sorry Badger fans, Joel Stave is not Cardale Jones. Runnin’ Gumps, 38-10.

Sunday, September 6

Purdue

 

3:00

 FS1

 Vegas says… Herd -7.5

At Marshall

 

Purdue was legit in the 1930’s, 1960’s and the 2000’s. Only 25 more years to go Boilers!

Pick ’em says: We are Marshall, 31-21.

Monday, September 7

#1 Ohio State

8:00

 ESPN

 Vegas says… Ohio St -11

At Virginia Tech

LESS THAN ONE WEEK AWAY! No more words, let’s get this thing kicked off!

Pick ’em says: Bud Foster’s D will keep the Turkey’s in it for a half. Braxton houses a pair. Zeke goes for 150. Silver Bullets dominate without Bosa. Bucks! 38-13.

 

National Spotlight Games…

North Carolina

6:00

At Charlotte, NC

Thursday, September 3

ESPN

Vegas says… S Carolina -3

South Carolina

Bojangles’ is Popeye’s half-brother. Cajun chicken fillet on a biscuit whoops Moon Over My Hammy, everyday!

Pick ’em says: It’s the first game of the season! Spurrier will feign mild interest until halftime. Tarheels, 35-27. 

#15 Arizona State

7:00

At Houston, TX

Saturday, September 5

ESPN

Vegas says… A&M -3

Texas A&M

I’m glad this game will be played in a bland NFL stadium instead of Kyle Field. I don’t get it.

Pick ’em says: Aggie War Hymn all night long, 34-28.

Texas

7:30

Saturday, September 5

NBC

Vegas says… Irish -9.5

#11 At Notre Dame

Texas – RYAN HAMBY, NOOOO! It still happens. First time in eight months I hear the Longhorns mentioned and I have a PTBSD flashback. Notre Dame – HAHAHAHAHAHA, I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE STILL PAYING CHARLIE WEIS! I think they just got done paying Tyrone Willingham last week. That reaction is far more pleasant.

Pick ’em says: Irish D dominates hapless Horns, 31-13.

Comments

  1. John & Kathy says

    What’s next? Dancing with the Stars?

Leave a Reply to John & Kathy Cancel reply

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