Negative Buckeye: 10 Bold Predictions for Last Half of Season

by: Ryan Black

Ohio State beat a one loss Rutgers team 56-17 on Saturday and the good guys are now halfway through the 2014 season… seriously.  College football makes the fall go by faster than an Alabama fan running to a Walmart sale for chewing tobacco and machine guns.

Ohio State basketball just opened up practice for god sakes! Time to get hyped.

It’s an exciting time to be a Columbus resident right now but that doesn’t mean there aren’t a lot of things that pissed me off this week. Here are a few:

1. People can be down on the Big Ten this and Big Ten that but 99% of the talking schmucks on the radio and t.v. simply don’t realize that parity is everywhere in college football. Example:

What happened: West Virgnia loses a close one to Bama- WVU then squeaks a win out against Maryland in OT (Maryland’s only loss before playing Ohio State). Ohio State kills Maryland. West Virginia beats #4 Baylor.

Media verdict: Maryland sucks. West Virginia good. Bama is god. Ohio State is overrated.

It’s frustrating but even though the games are usually close, until the Big Ten can have a winning record over the SEC in a bowl season that narrative won’t change. Damn you Iowa, you were so close last year.

2. Peyton Manning-please take that commercial off the air where you hum the Nationwide jingle. I hear it when I eat, when I work, while I type this and when I sleep. I’m terrified I’m going to wake up in the middle of the night and see that big goof over me with a knife singing, “And now I’m going to cut your throat.” #Shivers.

3. “What if” playoff talk is so stupid. Some jamoke on the radio the other morning said, “If the playoff was today, there would be 3 SEC teams.” While this is not incorrect, it’s so stupid. All three of those teams play will cross paths. This thing will sort itself out like it always does yet for some reason 97.1 will spend the whole Bishop and Rothman show on Mondays talking about why Ohio State will not make the playoff after they win out.  So pointless…

Oh well, I could go on all day but there is no point. I need to avoid all types of college football talk from the media. It’s cutting years off my life.

Let’s have  a little fun here. The Buckeyes are finally halfway through the season and you’re probably wondering what’s in store for our heroes.

Here are ten bold predictions coming from pure gut instinct (and my gut has gotten huge since I got married, so you should take these serious).

Bold Predictions For Rest of Season:

10. Corey Smith will make a big time play by the end of the year:

The coaches still rave about him and he isn’t losing playing time. Urban doesn’t put guys out there he doesn’t believe in, which is why last year we saw only 3 real receivers. Smith will come out of nowhere and break a game open. I guarantee it.

9. Von Bell will lead the team in interceptions by December:

He’s got 1 now and he is really impressing me with being in the right place in coverage. Really could have used him last year…

8. Dontre Wilson will finally break the big one:

Ugggggggh, he is so damn close. I haven’t been a fan of his vision on kick returns so far but on offense he is making the right cuts almost every carry. He keeps getting tripped up by the last line of defense and I think he is starting to get frustrated. Well don’t little buddy! Wilson is averaging about 6.5 yards a rush and 16 yards a catch. Nothing wrong with those numbers.

7. My fantasy team will bring home the championship:

It’s not Ohio State related and I get that. However, the Blackville Buckfutts’ future is looking very bright after an 0-3 start, so give me my moment.

6. You will look to the person to the left of you during a game and say, “I miss Braxton” at some point this season.

Hate to be negative (wait, no  I don’t). Either the beginning of this weeks game at Penn State or the MSU game, J.T. Barrett will get off to a slow start. He is a freshmen and playing his first “actual” road games may bring on some nerves. The good thing is this kid seems solid as a rock and I don’t think a mistake or two will ruin a game for him.

5. Darron Lee will get charged with felony assault on the field:

He hits hard and he scares me. Lee is going to knock somebody out in the next few weeks and that player is going to lawyer up.

4. The defense is going to win Ohio State a game before the season is over:

I mean it has to happen doesn’t it? The offense has to have a game where they aren’t clicking in the near future and doesn’t put up 50 points and I believe the defense will come through this time (unlike VA Tech). The young kids are coming together and they are getting scary.

3. Jeff Heuerman will have 5 touchdowns in the next 6 games:

My gut is really reaching here but I believe with all the playmakers who have showed up this season that defenses will forget about good ole #5 tight end. We’ve seen that the last few weeks with Nick Vannett posting 3 touchdowns.  Jeff is still getting healthy and will become the man before long.

2. J.T. Barrett will finish top 5 in the Heisman:

Not sure if he gets invited but even the most biased of voter can’t ignore the numbers the freshmen is putting up.

1. My wife will leave me by the Big Ten title game:

My obsession with Joey Bosa is tearing us apart. She walked in on me watching a Bosa highlight tape last week and let’s just say… I was enjoying myself a little too much.


At least we have a comfy couch.


I’ll revisit these picks at the end of the year. I expect a 100% success rate or I will be very disappointed.



Trailer Park Boys quote-

Jim Lahey: You know whats at work here? Its sh*t tectonics. When two sh*t plates strike and come together under incredible pressure, what happens Bubbs?
Bubbles: What Mr Lahey?
Jim Lahey: …Sh*t-quake.


Oh she’s a coming all right. Have a good week ladies and gentlemen

Double Bonus:

Try to watch this without peeing yourself-









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