Bacon Ninja Weighs In: Florida

The following is a fragment of an intercepted message, sent by Bacon Ninja from an undisclosed location somewhere in the mountains (two and a half miles east of Interstate 25 exit 149 in Colorado.)

“…and I never saw the dog or the raspberry jam again.
“Then there’s this business with people in Florida acting all butt-hurt over pretty much everything Urban Meyer says or does. Not just Gator fans but journalists and commentators too – it’s kind of ridiculous. I think I get what it’s all really about though. Let’s face it, while Florida has been a very successful program over the last twenty years or so, it doesn’t have the same tradition and legend as the Alabamas and the Ohio States and even the Notre Dames of the world. People don’t leave those places voluntarily – unless they’re about to get creamed by the NCAA. Meanwhile Florida’s two most successful football coaches both left by their own choice to pursue different opportunities – Spurrier to coach in the NFL and Urban to spend time recovering from being too hardcore – I mean, to take a year off before going to Ohio State which wasn’t even remotely close to being in the market for a new head coach at the time he left Florida.
“Imagine that for a second – Florida has been a dominant power the last fifteen years or so and its coach leaves to go to Ohio State? Slowhio State? Really? (I mean, never mind that Urban didn’t actually leave Florida to go to Ohio State, we’ve got to go with their premises here to grasp the underlying psychosis.) What does THEE Ohio State University have that UF doesn’t have? Snow?
“If I was a Florida fan, I’d be waking up in the morning and trembling in my jean shorts that UF is nothing more than Miami ten years ago. They won 5 national championships over twenty years and then became almost irrelevant. I’d be terrified that Muschamp is a younger Larry Coker with a less impressive resume.
“And Urban’s actions – as they see them – made it painfully clear that no matter what UF does, they’re still new money. They aren’t the Rockefellers and the Carnegies of the world by any-”




  1. This Bacon Ninja guy is on to something here with these Miami/Florida comparisons.

    I had a friend in high school (oh gosh I have to admit this was 1989 (but I was in the eighth grade! Which was high school where I went!)) who was a huge Gator fan. Man, we mocked him unmercifully about how they bad they stunk. Meyer’s success there is but a blip, but they won’t let it go.

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