Haters Gonna Hate, But They’re Not Gonna Put Much Effort Into It

Here’s a little experiment: Pull out your preferred mobile device, fire up your Twitter app, and run a search on “Tressel.”  What you’re probably looking at right now is a bunch of Finebaum retweets followed by around 100 variations of this:

If not, wait a few days until something else important happens in the world and try again.  The basic formula is simple:

1. Pick something that happened.

2. Insert into this sentence “Jim Tressel knew about [thing that happened] but didn’t know who to tell.”

3. Rinse

4. Retweet

It doesn’t matter what the thing is; before Saturday it was that he knew the apocalypse was coming.  I’m a little surprised that he didn’t “know” about Arnold’s love child, but maybe no one could spell “Schwarzenegger.”

If topical humor isn’t your thing, maybe you’d enjoy a reworked version of some moldy old Catskills schtick:

This is what passes for acceptable Ohio State hate these days, and the only thing insulting about it is the complete lack of creativity our antagonists are displaying.  If you’re going to kick us when we’re down, at least have the decency to change out of your bunny slippers first.

Maybe it’s my fault for expecting to find the brilliant humorists amongst our detractors working in a 140-character limit medium.  Perhaps they were busy with PhotoShop, or whatever cheap imitation they can afford.  Here’s an example from  Nebraska blog Cornnation:

Well, you can’t blame a guy for trying.  The concept isn’t terrible, but surely there is a good synonym for “lying” that could have been substituted to make the title less clunky.  The co-authors aren’t bad, but Satan is involved in so much evil that reducing him to a mere “liar” is a real slap in the face to the Lord of Darkness (and completely glosses over his fiddling skills).  Also, would have been so hard to bump that font up a couple of point sizes and hit the “B” button?

(Feel free to head on over and check out the embarrassingly amateur face-pastes by a certain Hawkeye fan.)

Okay, okay, photoshopping isn’t exactly a high-brow endeavor either.  Respected humorists are writers, like those geniuses over at McSweeney’s.  I’m sure I’ll find a stinging piece of satire about our revered head coach in the world of the classic written word.  Or not.

Is it just me?  Anybody heard any good Tressel jokes lately?


  1. Haters gotta hate, indeed. Screw ’em. Might as well go all out with the evil.

  2. A decade’s worth of domination will roust this type of lame haterdom.

    What they are all hoping is the Tressel gets fired. I can’t blame them.

    What will happen is Tressel will keep his job and he is going to punish teams like Navy Seal Team Six punishes wood-be terrorist douche bags.

    Bring it.

  3. Man, nothing is worse than an unfunny joke retweeted.

    And there is so much comedy that could be mined from Tressel’s book and all they can come up with is coauthored by “Satan and Barry Bonds”? Weaksauce.

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