Week 4 Preview: Eastern Michigan

I don’t know about you, but I’m having trouble believing the season is already almost a third of the way over. I guess my dad was right – the older you get, the faster time goes by.

Of course, my dad probably can’t believe it’s already 2010 – for him he just saw Back to the Future in theaters.

A brief digression – can you believe that Back to the Future is already 25 years old? Put it another way – when I was born, The Godfather was only 15 years old. I’m depressed. Moving on…

This weekend marks the return of former TTUN defensive coordinator Ron English to the Horseshoe. He was last seen getting canned by the Wolverines after the 2007 campaign. Or “the year they lost to App State. AHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!” in the parlance I prefer.

EMU's coach gives you his evaluation of his 1-4 record against the Buckeyes as a defensive coach at TTUN

As el Kaiser made very clear the other day, this is a game that the Buckeyes should dominate. Personally, I’m thinking they actually might. Normally, this kind of game is one where the Buckeyes come out flat, looking hung over and disinterested, and the game usually ends up being more exciting than it should be for a while.

Of course, normally last week would have been a week like that, not to mention the opener against Marshall. We know how that turned out. Cam Heyward,  Tyler Moeller, et al proceeded to pour pudding on the opposing offenses’ heads much like O’Doyle in Billy Madison. Also they beat the ever-loving crap out of them. I don’t enjoy dipping into hyperbole – mainly for jinx avoidance reasons, but this defense is as mean and dominating as any I can remember. I’ve gone out of my way over the last few weeks trying to come up with a group of Silver Bullets past that I can remember being so nasty.

The offense? We’re not doing so badly there either. It would be nice if Brandon Saine would go ahead and finish testifying against the mob boss, though. That’s the only logical explanation I can think of for his absence the last few weeks – he must be in witness protection. Somewhere in Idaho there’s a 6′ 1″, 220 lb man cleaning floors in an elementary school, talking about how he used to run by opposing defenses so fast one might think he was flying. In Columbus – I mean, Kansas.

The special teams.


rewg;noedrjeoij;go;erjier;oje;rgeartg43TY6AQ6Q356TYAQ ZEH DWB6WUH JWA dtf yh5g4r

Sorry, I blacked out for a minute there. The point is, until they get their crap together I’m referring to them as “special” teams, if you know what I mean. I would continue along these lines but it’s a family site and I don’t want to push the boundaries too far. Just picture me writing 2000 words about Corky Thatcher from Life Goes On and my opinion of the job he’s done on kick coverage so far and you’ll get the gist of it.

Here’s what I want to see tomorrow:

  1. No turnovers.
  2. Fewer than five penalties. At least in the first three quarters, or while the score is within 35 points.
  3. No EMU kick returns over 25 yards.
  4. No EMU punt returns over 10 yards.
  5. Heyward should literally eat someone on EMU’s offense. Or their coach.
  6. Ron English walking off the field, head held low in shame and seeing his coaching record against the Buckeyes fall to 1-5.

Final score prediction: Buckeyes 52, EMU 6

*all predictions subject to change after the fact. The opinions of Bacon Ninja regarding the outcome of Ohio State games are purely hypothetical and do not necessarily represent his true feelings on the matter. In fact, for the purposes of supersition and jinx avoidance Bacon Ninja offers a generic prediction of Opponents 72, Ohio State 0 for every game this season, unless they are playing an SEC school in which case the prediction will change to Opponents 347, Ohio State negative 30.


  1. Hahah, “special” teams. Hey, at least they are all wearing their helmets, so, y’know, they are ready to board the short bus.

    OSU – 21
    EMU – 10 MAC POWER FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Haha, just kidding, EMU doesn’t score:
    OSU – 31
    EMU – 0

    Hey also, can we therefore refer to 2008 as “the year they lost at home to UT”? I gotta plug the hometown team.

  2. O’Doyle RULES! And so does the Buckeyes D. I’m seeing a total and complete drubbing —

    OSU – 51
    EMU – 0

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