Tressnac the Magnificent – OSU/UM edition

carrHeaven has no brighter star than our next stellar guest,
that omnipotent master of the North and former manicurist to Woody Hayes,

Tressnac the Magnificent!

 

Tressnac
Thank you, oh fine second banana. I’m sorry I’m late. I’ve been having troubles with my automobile.

carrMcMahonIcon.jpg Automobile problems, you say?

 

Tressnac
Yes. It seems as if I’ve abused my Carr so badly that I need to trade it in for one with Les Miles.

carrMcMahonIcon.jpg HAUGH! HI-YOOOO!!
Well, shall we begin, O Great Sage?

 

tressnacIcon.jpg Yes, you may begin.

 

carrMcMahonIcon.jpg Ladies and gentlemen, I hold in my hand these envelopes. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. They’ve been kept in a #2 mayonnaise jar since noon today on Funk and Wagnall’s porch. No one knows the contents of these envelopes, but the Mighty Tressnac, in his divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these questions having never seen them before!!

Tressnac envelope
Thank you, yes. May I have the first envelope, please. Thank you. I must now have absolute silence…

carrMcMahonIcon.jpg Silence!

 

tressnacIcon.jpg The answer is… One Double A.

 

carrMcMahonIcon.jpg One Double A.

 

tressnacIcon.jpg *rip*blow*open* What kind of battery is needed to shock the Wolverines?

 

carrMcMahonIcon.jpg HAUGH!

 

Tressnac
May Reggie Bush’s boosters crash the welcome luncheon for your 2008 recruiting class.

 

tressnacIcon.jpg Another envelope, please. The answer is… Go Blue.

 

carrMcMahonIcon.jpg Go Blue.

 

tressnacIcon.jpg *rip*blow*open* Describe what happens to Chad Henne’s loins when Vernon Gholston comes to the line.

 

carrMcMahonIcon.jpg HAUGH!

 

 

tressnacIcon.jpg More silence, please.

 

carrMcMahonIcon.jpg Silence!

 

tressnacIcon.jpg The answer is… 86 Zip Down Hang Left Go Shake.

 

carrMcMahonIcon.jpg 86 Zip Down Hang Left Go Shake.

 

tressnacIcon.jpg *rip*blow*open* Name either an audible called by Henne or the instructions taped above Manningham’s urinal.

 

carrMcMahonIcon.jpg HAU – ..er, what if Manningham’s listening to you?

 

Tressnac
Yes. You’re probably right. I’d better speak a little slower, then.

 

carrMcMahonIcon.jpg Here’s another, sir.

 

tressnacIcon.jpg Yes, thank you. The answer is… Piggly Wiggly.

 

carrMcMahonIcon.jpg Piggly Wiggly.

 

tressnacIcon.jpg *rip*blow*open* Describe what typically happens when Chad Henne is sacked.

 

carrMcMahonIcon.jpg HAUGH!

 

Tressnac
May a fat player with a kidney condition ruin your injured running back’s hot tub therapy.

 

carrMcMahonIcon.jpg I now hold in my hand the final envelope.

 

tressnacIcon.jpg The final envelope?

 

carrMcMahonIcon.jpg The final one. Here you go.

 

tressnacIcon.jpg Hmmm… The answer is… Halo 3’s Master, the Great Barrier, and a Michigan player with a BCS Title ring.

 

carrMcMahonIcon.jpg Halo 3’s Master, the Great Barrier, and a Michigan player with a BCS Title ring.

 

tressnacIcon.jpg *rip*blow*open* Name a Chief, a Reef, and a Thief.

 

carrMcMahonIcon.jpg HAUGH! Ladies and Gentlemen, Tressnac the Magnificent!

 

Comments

  1. poguemahone says

    “Haugh!” seems to be too hearty a laugh for Lloyd Carr. I imagine him as having more of a cackle.

  2. Classic stuff as always.

    Who gets Carr’s role next season?

  3. stu-freaking-pendous

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