Heaven has no brighter star than our next stellar guest,
that omnipotent master of the North and former manicurist to Woody Hayes,
Thank you, oh fine second banana. I’m sorry I’m late. I’ve been having troubles with my automobile.
Automobile problems, you say?
Yes. It seems as if I’ve abused my Carr so badly that I need to trade it in for one with Les Miles.
HAUGH! HI-YOOOO!!
Well, shall we begin, O Great Sage?
Yes, you may begin.
Ladies and gentlemen, I hold in my hand these envelopes. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. They’ve been kept in a #2 mayonnaise jar since noon today on Funk and Wagnall’s porch. No one knows the contents of these envelopes, but the Mighty Tressnac, in his divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these questions having never seen them before!!
Thank you, yes. May I have the first envelope, please. Thank you. I must now have absolute silence…
Silence!
The answer is… One Double A.
One Double A.
*rip*blow*open* What kind of battery is needed to shock the Wolverines?
HAUGH!
May Reggie Bush’s boosters crash the welcome luncheon for your 2008 recruiting class.
Another envelope, please. The answer is… Go Blue.
Go Blue.
*rip*blow*open* Describe what happens to Chad Henne’s loins when Vernon Gholston comes to the line.
HAUGH!
More silence, please.
Silence!
The answer is… 86 Zip Down Hang Left Go Shake.
86 Zip Down Hang Left Go Shake.
*rip*blow*open* Name either an audible called by Henne or the instructions taped above Manningham’s urinal.
HAU – ..er, what if Manningham’s listening to you?
Yes. You’re probably right. I’d better speak a little slower, then.
Here’s another, sir.
Yes, thank you. The answer is… Piggly Wiggly.
Piggly Wiggly.
*rip*blow*open* Describe what typically happens when Chad Henne is sacked.
HAUGH!
May a fat player with a kidney condition ruin your injured running back’s hot tub therapy.
I now hold in my hand the final envelope.
The final envelope?
The final one. Here you go.
Hmmm… The answer is… Halo 3’s Master, the Great Barrier, and a Michigan player with a BCS Title ring.
Halo 3’s Master, the Great Barrier, and a Michigan player with a BCS Title ring.
*rip*blow*open* Name a Chief, a Reef, and a Thief.
HAUGH! Ladies and Gentlemen, Tressnac the Magnificent!
“Haugh!” seems to be too hearty a laugh for Lloyd Carr. I imagine him as having more of a cackle.
Classic stuff as always.
Who gets Carr’s role next season?
stu-freaking-pendous