Purdue (body) Performance Evaluations

Today we’ll see how the Body Buckeye is doing. All signs point to: Pretty Darn Good.

Anderson Russell’s Hands: 2 Sweatervests

At first glance, it’d be hard to single out Russell’s hands as the sole culprits for the lack of the INT against Purdue (Keith counted six) but this wasn’t the first time Anderson has pulled this stunt. His traitorous hands have been dropping balls all over the place. I don’t how many it’s been so far, but he could have been writing his Thorpe Award acceptance speech if he would just CATCH THE BALL. The only thing saving his hands from receiving the dreaded One Sweatervest is that he can, apparently, use his hands to do other defensive things, like sack the QB. His two sacks were a welcome sight.

Beanie Well’s Ankle: 4 Sweatervests

The coaches want Beanie to be a warrior. A soldier, if you will. They want him to fight through the pain and play like a man. Twisty-bendy ankles ain’t no thang! Luckily, cameras were rolling when his injured ankle was interviewed after the Purdue game, and we have obtained the tape. In a MotSaG exclusive, I present to you: Beanie’s Ankle.

Todd Boeckman’s Arm: 2.5 Sweatervests

Is it an arm? Or a punting leg? A parm? Either way, Todd Boeckman’s arm suddenly became a rocket launcher, throwing passes everywhich way downfield, except into Robo’s hands. As it’s been pointed out in many places, the interceptions didn’t hurt because of the location of said interceptions. “They were just like punts!” they proudly exclaim. Thing is, we have a pretty decent punter. He doesn’t get a lot of chances to actually punt, so it’d be a good thing to keep the interceptions to a minimum and leave the punting up to the punter. Thunder arm must keep things under control. Heck, underthrowing Robiskie was working before, he could always go back to that.

Vernon Gholston’s Biceps: 25″ Sweatervest

You knew it was coming. The guns pipes pythons “Dear Lord! Are those thighs?” that dangle from his dangerous looking delts were in full-effect. He was even lining up inside Robert Rose, which had to strike absolute fear in Purdue’s guards. Certainly they thought they would be spared the wrath of His Bicepness, but they were not so lucky.

Overall Performance: 4.5 Sweatervests

Baseline: 3 Sweatervests, +2 for stifling defense, +1 for jumping all over Purdue early, -1 for SIX dropped passes, -0.5 for giving up the garbage TD.

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