Battle of the Blogs — BCS edition

Blog/site newsToday, the MotSaG team was honored to provide an article for the game-day edition of CSTV’s Battle of the Blogs.

We were a little nervous about the question we drew, not only because our fellowOSUbloggingbrethren have set the bar high this week, but also because our topic is a pretty hard one to argue.

The debate topic we received:

Which conference was better in 2006? The Big Ten or the SEC?

This was a pretty hard thing to argue. Who really knows? In the end, we decided to wimp out and have a pair of legendary SEC and Big Ten icons argue it out for us.

Check out the transcript of their conversation after the jump.

——————–

bryant.JPG Bear Bryant checks his watch. “Where is he, anyway? What does he think, I’ve got forev-…”

Just ahead, the mist swirls and a ruddy man with large ears and Popeye cheeks ambles up. “Hey, Bear,” says the figure.

“Hey, Woody. You’re late again.”

“You in a hurry to go somewhere?!?”

“I guess not,” says Bryant.

“Well keep yer trap shut, then.”

“Sor-RY, coach. Here, have a seat. Want some coffee?” Bear pulls up an extra chair, then pours an extra steamy mug.

“Mmm.. thanks,” says Woody. “Boy, never get tired of this stuff. Just perfect.”

The two sit quietly, staring into the infinite, contemplating nothing.

“You been hangin’ out at Bo’s place again?” asks Bear.

“Yeah. Still catching up. He’s inconsolable after that Rose Bowl fiasco; it’s why I was late.”

Bear squinches his nose. “Yeah, he oughta be. That was pathetic. Of course, what else can you expect from a Big Ten team?”

Woody glares across his mug, and has a thought that almost sends him away for awhile. “You tryin’ to get me punished again, Bear? Cause don’t think I’m not willing to risk it.”

Bear laughs. “Just pushing your buttons, Woody.”

Woody takes another sip, and heaves a sigh. “You’re right about that Rose game, though. Whew. Maybe Carr oughta start throwing some punches or something. Fire those boys up a bit.”

“Seriously, Woody,” says Bear, “I gotta say it, man. I’ve been watching Florida, and it looks like your Buckeyes are going to be the ones who need fired up.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah. My southern boys have the advantage. They were better prepared for this game by making it through a better conference.”

“Whatcha got in yer cup, there, Bear? It ain’t coffee,” grumbles Woody.

“Oh, come off it Woodrow. What has the Big Ten got, other than OSU? Michigan? Who just got spanked by a team that lost to UCLA and Oregon State?”

“Yeah. Lost to USC just a few months after spanking your Vanderbilt.”

“Oh, please,” continues Bear. “We’ve got Arkansas -”

“- who just got beat by Wisconsin…” interrupts Woody.

“… well, we’ve got Tennessee, too -”

“- who just got beat by Penn State. Want to go on?”

Bryant grinds his teeth. “Listen, 2006 aside, the SEC usually wins these matchups. Statistically, the SEC has been better.”

“That’s because ‘those matchups’ are always home games for your schools,” says Woody. “Whydontcha come up north for a bowl game in December or January sometime?”

“I still think the SEC is better, Woodrow. We had a lot more tough teams than the Big Ten did.”

“Parity does not equal strength,” replies Woody. “Look at the Sun Belt… lots of parity there, but I don’t see you arguing that they’re better than the Big Ten.”

The two men remain silent for a moment.

“Well,” says Bear as he refills the cups, “maybe you have a point about the teams. I’ll grant you that those boys up north are generally more cohesive. But individually, player by player, everyone knows we have better athletes down south.”

Woody chuckles lightly. “Oh fercryinoutloud, now we’re gettin’ into it, ain’t we Paul?”

“Mmm-hmm. They’re bigger, strong, and faster. No way your boys can keep up with that SEC speed,” says Bryant.

“Boy, you really are an old man, you know?” says Woody. “I thought that whole ‘SEC speed’ nonsense was put to bed like ten years ago.”

“Nope.”

hayesWoodrow.jpg“Is that so?” Woody sets his cup down, and starts counting with his fingers. “Well, according to my count, the Big Ten had nine first team All-Americans. Four on offense, five on defense. The SEC only cobbled together five total, and that only included one offensive player. Heck, our eleven teams had 14 boys up for awards trophies at the end of the year, and your twelve teams only managed to scrounge up five finalists! And you think your boys are better athletes?”

“Okay, so the Big Ten beat us in the minds of the sportswriters,” says Bear. “Big deal. At least our schools have smarter players.”

“Oh, now I KNOW you’re spikin’ yer coffee, Bear. The Big Ten dominated the Academic All-American team, too. We had eleven players selected, eight on the first team. There was only one SEC representative on the Academic first team.”

Bryant huffed. “The three losses to the Little Ten hurt, but I stand by my conference. We’ve got the tradition, the rivalries, the beautiful women.”

Hayes whistles. “Can’t argue with you about the women. Them southern belles sure are purty. Still, I think I’d take me one of those gentle midwest farmers’ daughters over any of those silicone filled Sterger-wannabes any day. But Paul,” says Hayes as he starts to roll his sleeves up, “I just might have to smack you in the mouth for claiming the SEC has better tradition. The Big Ten is thirty years older than the SEC! And rivalries? Are you kidding me? Remember a little game this past November, between Michigan and Ohio State? Universally recognized as the greatest sport rivalry. Even the Big Man hisself gave everyone the afternoon off to watch it. Don’t talk me about tradition or rivalries. The Big Ten INVENTED them.”

Bryant sighs. “I guess you have a point, Woody.”

“Aw, shoot, Paul. Don’t get me wrong,” says Woody. “My boys are in for a dog fight come Monday. I’m sure the better team will win. It’ll still be a heckuva game. You still planning on watching it?”

“Oh, sure. What else have I got going on, anyway? What, am I gonna busy myself with this Saban soap opera? Please.” Both men roar with laughter.

A few minutes pass; the men again staring quietly into the infinite, contemplating nothing.

Bear breaks the silence. “Joe Paterno really beat Tennessee?” he asks quietly.

“Yyyup. And on crutches, too.”

“Wow,” says Bryant, shaking his head.

Woody drains his cup and stands up. “Great stuff, old man. Thanks. I gotta get back to Bo, he needs some company. Poor SOB. I’ll see you later. Need to clean up a room for Joe Pa, too. He’ll be here any day now, at the rate his boys keep hurting him.”

Bear raises his mug. “Thanks for the chat, Woody. See you Monday.”

Comments

  1. that was I shit you not…some of the best writing I have ever seen. You should definitely forward this to all the pundits on espn.com to correct their ways.

    +10

  2. Wow… thanks richie.

    FYI: my name’s on the post only because I was the one to publish it to the main page. The piece was written by all of us, though (el Kaiser, SYR, Zeke and the sportsMonkey).

  3. Great Blog Zeke. Enjoyed reading it tonight during the game. Looks like the SEC got the last one this year.

    I look forward to reading your thoughts on the game and comparing to what I posted tonight.

  4. Good job. At least the OSU Blogging team came through strong.

    Jim

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