News outlets around the country are quickly backtracking from inaccuracies surrounding the reporting of [HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED].
Former DENVER BRONCOS tailback [HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED] was reported as having a loaded AK-47 assualt rifle in his possession. Turns out all he had was a k-47, a Sony VAIO laptop computer. Police apologized for the confusion.
Also miscommunicated was the former DENVER BRONCOS player’s CD collection, which apparently included several Molly Hatchet compilations.
“When this stuff goes out on the scanner, you can see how the news media might misinterpret crucial details,” said a spokesperson for the Franklin County Sheriff’s office. “Still, though, Molly Hatchet? I would have pegged him for a hip-hop type of man.”
The former DENVER BRONCOS tailback was released, and plans to report to his new job tomorrow.
Hilarious. He should transition very well into their program. How long will it be until the Bengals build a halfway house adjacent to Paul Brown Stadium to just save themselves the trouble?
I just had to tell you what my local paper said. It said that he had an AK 47, ALL LOADED! So if it wasn’t an AK 47, then what was loaded? A lap top full of pictures of AK 47’s? Nothing like the media playing a game of telephone!